| Story Views | |
| Now: | |
| Last Hour: | |
| Last 24 Hours: | |
| Total: | |
Back to the Future
Monday, November 12, 2012 17:11
% of readers think this story is Fact. Add your two cents.
On the surface it all seems to be going remarkably well.
Sitting in the pub with my work colleagues on Friday one of
them said, I hear you have a little experience of prison?” Keeping As straight
a face as I could I dryly said, “Just a little. thirty two years.” She nearly
fell of her chair.
them said, I hear you have a little experience of prison?” Keeping As straight
a face as I could I dryly said, “Just a little. thirty two years.” She nearly
fell of her chair.
It was one of those moments when I realise the immense span
of time. Thirty. Two. Years. And two months later I am sitting in the pub after
work relaxing with workmates, girding my loins for what transpired to be the
railway journey from hell to get home. More and more frequently I am becoming
subject to “culture shocks”, moments where the immensity of my sentence and the
difference between these two parts of my life yawn before me like a chasm whose
edge I must stay clear of. These moments fill me with huge waves of emotion
that are, thankfully, only visible to those close to me.
of time. Thirty. Two. Years. And two months later I am sitting in the pub after
work relaxing with workmates, girding my loins for what transpired to be the
railway journey from hell to get home. More and more frequently I am becoming
subject to “culture shocks”, moments where the immensity of my sentence and the
difference between these two parts of my life yawn before me like a chasm whose
edge I must stay clear of. These moments fill me with huge waves of emotion
that are, thankfully, only visible to those close to me.
The pace of my adaptation has been incredibly quick. On my
first day there was a commission by the Guardian to write a piece and things
went from there. Developing the blog audience reach, developing Twitter and
Facebook, writing articles, giving talks, helping untold students, chatting
with Jon Snow on the telly and now the consultancy business. That is just the
public face of “prisoner ben” so to speak. There is also my private life,
weaving my insular ways into the complexity and comforts that come from
relationships and a shared life.
first day there was a commission by the Guardian to write a piece and things
went from there. Developing the blog audience reach, developing Twitter and
Facebook, writing articles, giving talks, helping untold students, chatting
with Jon Snow on the telly and now the consultancy business. That is just the
public face of “prisoner ben” so to speak. There is also my private life,
weaving my insular ways into the complexity and comforts that come from
relationships and a shared life.
All of these happened in weeks. After 32 years, my whole
adult life, in prison. That is a shift that many would have doubted was even
possible. Indeed, I have fistfuls of reports from prison staff justifying my
continued detention on the grounds that my aspirations (university first degree
and marriage) were so unrealistic that I needed to be kept in longer until I
recognised the difficulties I faced. Ho hum.
adult life, in prison. That is a shift that many would have doubted was even
possible. Indeed, I have fistfuls of reports from prison staff justifying my
continued detention on the grounds that my aspirations (university first degree
and marriage) were so unrealistic that I needed to be kept in longer until I
recognised the difficulties I faced. Ho hum.
Shocks of the new aside then, my attempts to rebuild my life
have been going improbably well.
have been going improbably well.
I have to report to Probation weekly, to discuss what I am
doing and for them to probe and test. Today I was unexpectedly hit by talk of “offence
related work” and having to talk about how I killed yet again. Nothing new has
been added to that conversation since 1982 and yet every criminal justice
professional feels the urge to delve.
doing and for them to probe and test. Today I was unexpectedly hit by talk of “offence
related work” and having to talk about how I killed yet again. Nothing new has
been added to that conversation since 1982 and yet every criminal justice
professional feels the urge to delve.
On the surface I walk past you on the street as another
middle aged guy, albeit with a rather snazzy hat. On the surface, my life is
developing well. But scratch away at this façade and you will find that I have
a rotten part to my core, a burden that comes from having killed. It is ever
present; the detritus of daily life provides a cushion, a thin patina of
normality that I can use to absorb the knowledge of my past. But it never
expunges it nor buries it deep enough to deny.
middle aged guy, albeit with a rather snazzy hat. On the surface, my life is
developing well. But scratch away at this façade and you will find that I have
a rotten part to my core, a burden that comes from having killed. It is ever
present; the detritus of daily life provides a cushion, a thin patina of
normality that I can use to absorb the knowledge of my past. But it never
expunges it nor buries it deep enough to deny.
My new life is being built at the cost of another’s life. No matter how wonderful the future may be, the past is forever present.
Ben Gunn is \”one of Britain\’s best known
prisoners…he constantly questions authority and exposes the futility
of the system\” The Times. Pleading guilty to the murder of a friend when
he was 14 years old, Ben has since renounced violence and consistently
fought for the recognition of the inherent dignity of all human beings.
As a result of speaking truth to power, Ben has served far longer than
the recommended 10 years, leading Education Secretary Michael Gove to
argue that Ben \”has been punished excessively for a crime committed as a
child\”, and Lord Ramsbotham to state that \”It is expensive and
unnecessary to keep Ben Gunn in prison\”.
2012-11-12 17:00:58
Source: http://prisonerben.blogspot.com/2012/11/back-to-future.html
Source:
