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Escaping the Perfectionism Trap by Challenging Expectations
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Vijayalakshmi Harish/TinyBuddha
“I have done my best. That is all the philosophy of living one needs.” ~Lin-yutang
Perfectionism—the word brings to mind images of order and organization, of effectiveness and efficiency. This is what society expects from a “perfectionist,” and this is what is projected as desirable and attainable. There is an aspirational value to being a “perfectionist.”
Many people believe that perfectionistic tendencies motivate people to do their best and achieve their goals.
However, I can vouch for the fact that it actually feels like being caught in a trap. There is a feeling of suffocation and dread at not being able to escape. The joy of living is sucked out leaving one feeling inadequate and incompetent all the time.
I don’t remember how or when I fell into the trap. All I know is that I have suffered the pain of trying to be the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect sister, the perfect friend, so on and so forth.
And I remember the exact moment when I realized I was trapped.
It was when I was fifteen and in the tenth grade. In India, the tenth grade examinations are considered extremely important. These are the examinations that would decide whether or not I got into a college of my choice.
I always did well academically, and needless to say there were expectations from those around me to perform well in these exams. I had to live up to these expectations—or so I thought.
That thought was enough to drive me into what was unarguably the darkest period of my life. As a teenager I was already dealing with issues of body image, being bullied, and trying tomake friends. Added to this mix, my desire to excel academically pushed me over the edge.
I cried myself to sleep. I had suicidal thoughts. I wanted to run away from home.
I rebelled against my parents. I magnified even the smallest of my mistakes and obsessed over imagined flaws in my personality. I simply wasn’t good enough.
I was constantly depressed and wouldn’t tell anyone why. This worried my parents, especially my mother. She took me to see a guru she trusted in the hope that maybe he could help me.
The guru, a kind and wise man, just asked me one question.
He said, “I don’t know what troubles you have and you need not tell me, but let me tell you that at your age life is relatively simple. Life is going to get more complicated and the roles you will have to play more demanding. If this is how you are now, how will you handle what is to come?”
That question opened the floodgates. I cried till I could cry no more—not through sadness, but because I had the realization that I had a problem and that only I could take charge and solve it.
2013-02-13 04:01:27
Source: http://truthisscary.com/2013/02/escaping-the-perfectionism-trap-by-challenging-expectations/
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