A long, long time ago, in a faraway place called the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, Americans were proud to be Americans and lived under the motto, “In God We Trust”, a phrase that has been removed without trace by a godless government run by soul-less bankers, all in love with money and power.
Here’s the winning e-mail
After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said to them, ”Let me see if I’ve got this right.
You want me to go into that room with all those completely different kids, correct their disruptive behaviour, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages and instil in them a love for learning.
You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self-esteem and personal pride.
You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a chequebook, and apply for a job.
You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behaviour, and ensure that they all pass their final exams.
You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.
You want me to do all this, and then you have the gall to tell me that I CAN’T PRAY or wear a little cross or say “Merry Christmas” because someone might take offence? “
After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said to them, ”Let me see if I’ve got this right. 
