Honoring Our Inner Voices to Make the Right Choices for Us

“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” ~Walter Anderson

After high school I moved to the northern tip of Vancouver Island to live with my aunt and uncle and work at their fishing resort. It was a busy tourist destination at the time. Every summer the town filled with young people, home from university and eager to earn money.

I loved my time up there. I met many interesting, colorful people from around the world who came to fish, whale watch, kayak, or merely experience the exquisite natural beauty this area has to offer.

My aunt and uncle were incredible mentors, and I developed a strong work ethic from my time with them. I normally juggled three to four jobs, so most of my waking time was spent working in the service industry.

I stayed there for a couple of winters and went to the community college, while also working at my various jobs. I worked hard to save up money to do a bit of traveling and to go toward my education.

I went on an amazing adventure to Australia and New Zealand with my best friend from childhood. Afterward, I returned to my life with my aunt and uncle to work and save more money to go to school in the city, which was closer to where I was from.

During that time I met a young man who had grown up in this small town. He had a nice family and was a good person, and for the sake of this story, we’ll call him Bill.

While I was working and busy, my life was very unbalanced and there was no time for a social life (outside of traveling). I enjoyed having Bill in my life for companionship and to have some resemblance of a social life that most nineteen-year-olds surround themselves with.

Naturally, my aunt and uncle weren’t pleased about my relationship with Bill. While I didn’t see it at all at the time, I realize now that they saw something in me I didn’t see in myself. I had big dreams for my life and spent hours talking to my aunt about travel, education, and plans for my future.

Bill didn’t have these same aspirations for his life. His looked much different than mine. By different, I don’t me better or worse; we just didn’t have the same passions or much in common other than where we lived at the time.

Nevertheless, Bill and I were convinced it was a good idea for him to move and go to school with me, even though he was most comfortable and happy where he was.

During this time together, it became clear to me, and him too I’m sure, that we weren’t actually a great fit and didn’t really bring out the best things in each other. However, we were young and didn’t have a lot else to compare our relationship to. We had become a security blanket to each other during this transitional time of life.  

We separated for a short time and instead of parting ways, which would have been the most natural and reasonable thing to do, we got back together and got engaged!

Looking back, I so clearly see how lost and stuck I was. My inner voice was screaming at me to take chances, be bold, and chase my dreams, but my lack of confidence and fear of pretty much everything made it so much easier to play it safe with Bill.

By safe I don’t mean comfortable and content. I mean it was a good distraction and reason to not be true to who I was.

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