British Humour Is Different

BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT… WE ALL NEED TO TAKE TIME TO LAUGH!!!

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is… **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Children Are Quick > ____________________________________ > > TEACHER: Why are you late? > STUDENT: Class started before I got here. > ____________________________________ > TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? > JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. > __________________________________________ > TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ > GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’ > TEACHER: No, that’s wrong > GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. > (I Love this child) > ____________________________________________ > TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? > DONALD: H I J K L M N O. > TEACHER: What are you talking about? > DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O. > __________________________________ > TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago. > WINNIE: Me! > __________________________________________ > TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? > GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are. > _______________________________________ > TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘ > MILLIE: I is.. > TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’ > MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’ > ________________________________ > TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, > but also admitted it. > Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him? > LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand….. > ______________________________________ > TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? > SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook. > ______________________________ > TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.. > Did you copy his? > CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog. > > (I want to adopt this kid!!!) > ___________________________________ > TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people > are no longer interested? > HAROLD: A teacher > __________________________________ > PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.