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You Just Won’t Believe What The Government is Spending Your Money On.
It’s no secret, at least to those in the know, that federal and state governments are filled with criminals who are just itching to get their greedy little hands on more of your hard-earned money. In fact, this year the Federal government expects to collect nearly $2.8 trillion in individual, corporate, payroll, estate and gift taxes.
The mantra of the elites is that we need them and that forced taxation is a necessary evil for any well-functioning society, as they fund critical infrastructure like roads, schools, bridges, and state-of-the art Sasquatch detection systems and wildly expensive presidential vacations.
But that’s not to say that all of our tax dollars are spent so wisely. And in recent years, Senator Tom Coburn, a Republican from Oklahoma, has pulled back the curtain on the government’s, let’s just say…less than prudent spending habits.
It’s called the Wastebook, I’ll leave a link below and you can read all about the multitude of ways the government pissed away your hard-earned cash this year. Or, you can stay right here and play a little “fact or fiction” with me.
Each of the 7 groupings contain 3 real examples of government spending pulled from the pages of Wastebook, and one pulled out of thin air.
1 Animal Division
a. $387,000 to study the effects robot-provided Swedish massage has on the physical recovery of rabbits after exercise.
b. $856,000 to train three mountain lions to run on a treadmill in order to measure the energy consumption of the cats’ hunting techniques.
c. $171,000 to teach monkeys to gamble in order to determine if monkeys, like humans, believe in the concept of a “hot hand.”
d. $473,000 to house 100 chimps in a room with 100 typewriters for the entire year to determine whether, if given enough time, they could recreate the complete works of Shakespeare.
2. Public Safety Division
a. $3 million to create a snarky social media presence named “Think Again Turn Away” to counter the propaganda movement of terrorist organizations.
b. $331,000 to study whether the concept of “HANGER” was real by testing whether hungry spouses were more likely to stab a voodoo doll of their mate.
c. $335,000 to build 38 “speed humps” (which incidentally, is how six of Adrian Peterson’s children were conceived) in two Portland, Maine neighborhoods.
d. $820,000 to determine the impact of public breastfeeding on the rate of car accidents at crowded intersections.
3. Tax Division
a. $4.2 billion lost to improper tax refunds issued to identity thieves.
b. $10 million in lost tax revenue by permitting the super-rich to rent their homes for up to two weeks each year tax-free.
c. $4 billion in funding issues to states who improperly achieve a double benefit on federal Medicaid payments.
d. $1.9 million in lost tax revenue attributable to the ill-advised one-year extension of the “Too Tired to Work” credit.
4. Military Division
a. $1 billion to destroy $16 billion in unneeded purchases of military-grade ammunition.
b. $80 million for the development of a real-life Ironman suit.
c. $21 million for the Army Corps of Engineers to rebuild buildings that continue to burn down because of their shoddy construction.
d. $37 million for an initial inquiry as to the total cost for the U.S. to quell rising unrest in the middle East by “having everyone pretend to convert to Islam for a year or two.”
5. Animal Division, Round 2.
a. $371,000 to study if mothers loved their dogs as much as their own kids by studying the way their brains responded to pictures of both.
b. $1.97 million in grants to create a new communication network for “fossil enthusiasts and professionals.”
c. $307,000 to study the impact schools of swimming Sea Monkeys have on ocean current.
d. $1.2 million to study whether eating radioactive tuna caused by the Fukushima disaster as part of a balanced meal will provide humans with mild superpowers.
6. Recreational Division
a. $194,090 to determine if automatic text messages can encourage heavy drinkers to stop boozing.
b. $100,000 for the Coast Guard to patrol some of the country’s most exclusive real estate to stop uninvited guests from crashing private parties.
c. $120,000 in performance bonuses paid to an Environmental Protection Agency employee who admitted to viewing porn up to six hours a day on government computers.
d. $484,000 to study whether “drunk recall” of information learned while intoxicating is a real phenomenon, as part of a program titled “E=MC hammered.”
7. The Arts Division
a. $10,000 to produce “Zombie in Love,” a musical about a teenage zombie “dying to find true love.”
b. $15,000 for the Colorado Symphony Orchestra to produce “Classically Cannabis: The High Note Series,” with the intention of attracting younger audiences to the symphony.
c. $10,000 to return to the stage ”RoosevElvis,” a pay about a shy woman who channels the personality of Elvis Presley and her imaginary friend, Teddy Roosevelt.
d. $27,000 to produce “One-Man Jurassic Park,” a play meant to terrify and tantalize audiences after “‘mankind’s desire to play God backfires in spectacular fashion.”
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