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The Urge To Unite Is In Our Dna / Urge To Surrender Is Soul Based

Friday, March 10, 2017 12:44
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Death is the ultimate return home and a time of great soul celebration for we are returning to our original oneness and a place of such deep profound love that it's beyond words or description ~ only poetry can offer clues: Allen L Roland, PhD


Death is the great unknown and can only be conquered by totally surrendering to the moment and the fact that we are universally loved.




Dr Eben Alexander poignantly describes the blissful state of after-death consciousness that he personally experienced during his own near-death experience in his book ~ Proof of Heaven ~ in essence, Eben correctly says it’s all about love;



Proof of Heaven,  p. 71 ~  If I had to boil this entire message down to one sentence, it would run this way: “You are loved.”  

And if I had to boil it down further, to just one word, it would (of course) be simply: Love ~ Love is without doubt, the basis of everything.” 


“Not some abstract, hard-to-fathom kind of love, but the day-to-day kind that everyone knows – the kind of love we feel when we look at our spouse and our children, or even our animals. 

In its purest and most powerful form, this love is not jealous or selfish, but unconditional.” 



“This is the reality of realities, the incomprehensibly glorious truth of truths that lives and breathes at the core of everything that exists or that ever will exist, and no remotely accurate understanding of who and what we are can be achieved by anyone who does not know it, and embody it in all of their actions.” 



“Not much of a scientific insight?  Well, I beg to differI’m back from that place, and nothing could convince me that this is not only the single most important scientific truth as well.” 



Every love relationship that has ensued since I painfully re-opened my heart in 1971 has led me through my fears to the heart grounded place where I am now ~ living in the blissful awareness that I am once again part of something far greater than myself and, as such, my heart has become a fragment of life's heart.


The great Egyptian poet Mahfouz expressed it beautifully ~ “When the heart achieves its desire, you shall transcend time and space” ~ for we are all, in essence, put on this planet a little time to bear the beams of a profound love that transcends time and space.


But I was in that unconditional space as a young child, living with my grandfather, for I was once again part of something far greater than myself, filled with overwhelming joy and could literally feel love leap from my heart into his.


We have strong evidence that separation from love can lead to illness, death or self-destructive actions. Separation from the Unified Field quite often begins in our earliest childhood, in our most primary relationships with family members such as grandparents ~ as  my separation with my grandfather.


The late pioneering psychologist Arthur Janov vividly communicates this tragic yet commonplace scenario in his classic book, The Feeling Child ~


” Actions and interactions between parent and child are only important insofar as they reflect feeling. Loving a child should be as natural as breathing air. Children take both for granted but when love is missing there is a frantic and usually unconscious struggle. Imagine the depression, the panic, the unbearable pain that would occur if breathable air was suddenly not there. It's not that different  for an infant or a child when love is not there ~ love, as primarily  defined is necessary for life. “


My observation, from my own experience and my work with clients, is that the ego is born from this no-choice situation as a means of surviving the loss or threatened loss of love.


Like most of you, readers, I too have experienced such a no-choice dilemma as a child. My option was either to somehow re-experience the excruciating repressed emotions of my separation from love, or, to cut myself off from who I really was.  But it was still my choice ~ for I was not ready to face my own well of grief.


I can still remember standing in the hall of my stepfather's house at age six in Nahant, Massachusetts, suddenly realizing I would never again see my grandfather ~ the person who had been the main source of love in my life ~ I remember feeling complete panic and desperation, feeling utterly alone and full of hopeless despair.


I still vividly remember when my grandfather eventually came to visit and how I refused to go out on the back porch to see him ~ I could not bear to face the repressed emotions of the original traumatic event that would be triggered by him leaving again.


My heart had closed to block out those unbearable feelings ~ emotionally I had stopped growing,


It was as if I had been separated from love, when in fact I had separated myself from love by closing my heart to avoid feeling pain.

Soon after, I began frantically acting out to avoid these feelings ~ I stole, lied, set fires and almost stopped deep breathing ~ it hurt too much to breathe deeply.


No one seemed to recognized my desperate cries for help ~ I became someone else, developed an alter ego patterned to win love versus being myself and I eventually hated the false self I had become in order to survive ~ hiding behind subconscious bars of fear that being myself was not enough.


It would take me nearly 30 years to fully realize that emotionally I truly had another choice and that being myself was not only enough ~ it was honest, vulnerable and quite beautiful !


Falling or surrendering to love is literally falling through a rabbit hole to another state of consciousness ~ a state of light and soul consciousness deepest within ourselves where we initially attempt  to externalize and possess and eventually must painfully internalize in order to assume our place in a universal loving plan in action ~ but this inner transmutation is actually  ego transcendence.

The eight steps of ego transcendence are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance and Connection, Surrender, Celebration and Service,

Falling in love was my first step toward experiencing the divine light and a state of  love, joy and soul consciousness deepest within ourselves and no one describes the feeling more vividly than the famous Persian poet, Rumi ~

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky,

to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.

First to let go of life.

Finally, to take a step without feet.”


But Rumi also apparently sensed that love was a force beyond time and space and its roots were in the unseen world of soul consciousness and, I would add, the 
Everything you see has its roots in the unseen world.

The forms may change, yet the essence remains the same.

Every wonderful sight will vanish, every sweet word will fade,

But do not be disheartened,

The source they come from is eternal, growing,

Branching out, giving new life and new joy.

Why do you weep?

The source is within you

And this whole world is springing up from it.”


Without a doubt, the most important initial step in my journey to experience and know this same truth was falling in love ~ for indeed I fell through a rabbit hole to a whole new dimension of feeling, seeing and knowing.

Of course, I was already married, in a state of deep denial and bargaining and initially externalized that love and when that idealized love was shattered by the reality of my marital situation ~ I could either run away from the resultant deep psychic pain or do what I actually did ~ accept, connect and surrender to the deep pain realizing that I would be haunted forever by the heights of that joyfulness until I faced and sink into the uncharted waters of the psychic well of grief I was then encountering. David Whyte expressed it perfectly in his poem The Well of Grief ~

Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief

turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe

will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,

nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else.”

Some part of me sensed that there was a sad and alone child within me who always wanted to feel that deeply and I could not go any further until I also embraced his deep pain as I had once fully embraced his incredible joy.

After I willingly emotionally crashed and faced my pain in 1971 ~  I can vividly remember standing on a corner waiting for my wife in San Mateo, California ~  fully aware that I had been stripped of all my worldly possessions and literally had nothing to hang on to ~ to define me ~ I was for all intent and purposes lost and alone without my ego possessions.

I had surrendered to all that child'sdelight and now it was time to surrender to his pain ~ trusting that beneath that well of grief was not only joy but also my true authentic self and my heart centered destiny.

Willingly surrendering to the well of grief was an act of faith and I would never have survived if it wasn't in the spirit of gratefulness and that I was still unconditionally loved by my family.

From that deep and egoless state of apparent death and aloneness ~ I fully surrendered and embraced my true raw self and very rapidly my dreams became my guide to this new world of light and soul consciousness, that existed beyond time and space, as well as a startling realization that I was beginning to see through different eyes .

This book has been read by all my clients as well as the more than 125 combat vets with PTSD in the eighteen Healing The Wounded Heart workshops I have facilitated over the past seven years.

Surrendering to love is also why my clients begin healing themselves in only seven sessions and why there has been an average 55 to 60% improvement in all symptoms of PTSD in my Band of Brothers 8 week PTSD groups ~ particularly feelings of Inner Peace, joy, love and gratefulness.

Despite the obvious success of a heart centered approach to working with combat veterans with PTSD, along with the alarming rising rate of veterans suicide (at least 25a day) ~ it’s politics as usual for the VA who still refuse to sanction a heart centered approach to Combat Vet care and remain in the structured box of drug and symptom oriented programs while its top General calls for alternative approaches. 

Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn’t make any sense.”


Combat veterans of all ages, seniors and youth all want to be seen through the heart and they all respond when we share our truth and speak from our heart . As an example, here’s a short email note from a member of the Orange county Life after Life club, where I made a two hour presentation on my heart centered work two years ago.

Dear Allen,

Our souls saw each other yesterday.  I knew I knew you.  I needed to be there and I needed to be in the front row.  I am frequently invisible, but you saw me.  I had waves of heart energy during your presentation, and when you quoted William Blake (“We are put on Earth a little space to bear the beams of love”) my heart gave a leap!  His words became clearer. 

I am returning to the light and BECOMING my true self, excavating, tunneling out from underneath the pain and artifice, the defensive armor in which to hide.

I am listening to Caroline Myss and Andrew Harvey, “Divine Rebels, Saints, Mystics, Holy Change Agents-and You”.  Your work enmeshes with theirs and sparked a deeper understanding.

I am beginning to see the strands of evolution in me, the healing from psychic despair that will ripple out from me to help heal the WEB of the ALL.  This is my preparation time, for what, I do not know, but I do know I am gathering strength and courage to say YES when it presents.

I too, have felt that this is my last go round on this plane.  I have no idea how or why I know this, but the KNOWING is very strong and I am becoming Brave enough to BELIEVE that I am worthy enough to know this.

Thank you for saying “YES”.  Thank you for the courage to present your truth.  You have unlocked the treasure chest and my soul is in joy.

In deep gratitude for your Divine Light,

Kate Hennessy


So falling through the rabbit hole of love led eventually not only to my true self and a state of love, light, joy and soul consciousness deepest within myself but also to a place of celebration and service as well as the deep realization that I am part of a loving plan in action ~ an evolutionary process with which we all participate as co-creators, if we will but listen, respond and bravely share our truth regardless of the risks.

Kate's letter reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by William James ~ which most certainly applies to me ~  “I am done with great things and big things and great institutions and big successes, and I am for those tiny invisible molecular forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets or like the capillary oozing water, yet, which, if you give them time, will bend the hardest monuments of human pride.”


Allen L Roland, PhD



Heart centered spiritual consultant and advisor Allen L Roland can be contacted at [email protected] Allen is also a lecturer and writer who shares a weekly political and social commentary on his web log and website He is also featured columnist on Veterans Today and is a featured guest on many radio and Television programs.


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