Smart Strategies For Handling The Dreaded Meltdown

Every parent and
caregiver has been there, unable to stop her child from melting down. He goes
from happy and carefree to a crying, screaming, wailing puddle of tears in less
than a minute. Not every meltdown is that dramatic, but they all can be
confusing and frustrating to the adult helplessly standing by. Here are some
tips on different ways to manage the meltdown.

Check to see if your child is sick, tired, or hungry. Many meltdowns happen because a child’s
physical needs aren’t being met and he simply becomes overwhelmed. When he’s in
this state, the physical cause has to be addressed before he can move into a
calmer place and that may take a while. He isn’t making a choice to act out;
he’s being guided by his body.

The great news is
these situations can often be avoided with a little smart planning. Avoid
running errands or attending social events during your child’s nap time or past
his regular bed time, and make sure your kid bag is packed with lots of healthy
snacks and bottled water.

Be on the lookout for other sensitivities. Even if your child isn’t sick, tired,
or hungry there may be other physical reasons for his meltdown. Some children
have sensory issues that make it difficult to process certain situations. If your
child has a meltdown whenever he has to wear socks or eat crunchy foods or sit
in his chair with his feet on the ground, he might have a sensory processing
issue. Although that sounds daunting, many situations can be controlled through
simple accommodations.

Offer choices that you can live with. One of the most common reasons children melt
down is because they don’t feel a sense of power or control over a situation.
That powerlessness gives way to anger and frustration and a meltdown begins. A
safe way to give them power and control is to offer limited choices. The key is
to only offer choices that you can live with. Instead of telling your child
he’s having carrots for lunch ask him if he’d like carrots, peas, or corn. 

Instead of telling your child he’s wearing a jacket to the park, ask him if
he’d like to wear a jacket or heavy sweatshirt to the park. When he makes the
choice, there’s a much better chance he’ll be happy with it. That doesn’t mean
he won’t grumble over having to eat a vegetable or having to wear more than a
t-shirt, it just means there’s a much better chance the grumble won’t turn into
a meltdown and instead will be a small lesson in staying positive and making
the best choice when you’re not thrilled with any of the choices available.

Set clear expectations and consequences. Children do best when they know what to
expect. When you act or react in a way they don’t expect, it often triggers a
meltdown. Set clear, age appropriate boundaries for your child and let him know
exactly what will happen if those boundaries aren’t maintained. For example, as
you head towards the playground say, “We’re going to have so much fun at the
park today! There are lots of kids in the sandbox. You can play in there for as
long as you want but it’s important that you share the dump trucks with the
other kids. If you can’t do that, we’ll have to leave the sandbox and play in
another part of the park.”

Create a transition ritual. Stopping a fun activity and moving onto a less fun activity is hard
for kids. Giving them ample notice of the change and finding ways to make the
transition more fun will avoid meltdowns. Announcing a 5 minute warning
followed by a 2 minute warning before you say, “OK, it’s time to clean up!”
will help take the surprise out of the transition. Also, singing a favorite
song or playing a clean-up game will help take the drudgery out of the chore.

Don’t take it personally. When your child melts down, it can seem very personal. It can seem
like he’s doing it to get back at you, to embarrass you, to make you feel
guilty for not giving him what he wants. So while it may feel very personal, do
your best to react calmly and supportively. He’s looking to you for guidance on
how to calm down and behave appropriately. He’s still learning how to do those
things and meltdowns are perfect teaching opportunities.

Meltdowns are a
natural part of a child’s development. They can be embarrassing, frustrating,
confusing, and downright exasperating but they can also be wonderful teachable
moments.