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By Matthew MacNish
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Abhinav Bhat's Current Query Revised

Tuesday, April 11, 2017 4:36
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(Before It's News)

he Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment

We first saw Abhinav's query, here, and then critiqued it, here. Now Abhinav is back with a revision, so let's get right to it.

The letter:

Dear Agent

Indy Ramsay has studied her entire teenage life for the day she would be recruited to the Reverend Council—the elite civil corps that runs the Ever Empire. Instead, it is her grandfather, Eldritch, who is inexplicably chosen and then promptly sent away on a mission, leaving behind a shattered and dejected Indy.

The very next day, the city is under attack. The exiled heroes of a hundred subjugated races have returned, and they will see the Empire burn. And the Ramsay household is among their first targets.

Eldritch returns home to find his entire family murdered, all except his grandson. (Indy is presumed dead.) He will get his grandson back, he is told, if he betrays the Empire—a simple act . . . Millions of lives weighed against his grandson. Eldritch wants to not care . . . The Empire has heroes and patriots and omniscient deities enough. Let them save whoever they can.

Unbeknownst to Eldritch, Indy is also alive. Targeted for death as Eldritch's blood, she manages to defeat her assailants and learn of the enemy's plan for Eldritch to betray the Empire.

The Empire. Above humanity. Above her brother. Above all else. This is what Eldritch has taught her.

She will live by it.

As the heroes incite riots in the city and the underclass rises up in rebellion against the Council, Indy will prove herself worthy of the Empire and the validation she was denied. She will find and stop Eldritch, she will save the Empire at any cost.

Even if the cost be Eldritch himself.

THE BURNT STATE is an adult fantasy novel about a girl and her grandfather as seen from their points of view. It is complete at 113,000 words.

That's it!

Except Abhinav also asks a few questions:

I have been told on quite a few forums that the POV shift from Indy to Eldritch to Indy is jarring and unrequired and that I should be writing in one POV only. And that it should be Indy only. Does the shift work given that this is a dual POV novel?

Many people are getting confused at the entire family being murdered and grandson left over, thinking that Indy's dead. I've added a clarification in brackets. Does it work?

Is my novel YA or Adult? The tone of my novel is distinctly adult I feel. But others say that if the protagonist is teenage, then it's YA, even though I've two protagonists, but then if I have two protagonists, it can't be YA others say. I've been advised to up the age from teenage to twenty to make it adult. I'm confused. Please advise.

Which I will get to tomorrow! Otherwise, please thank Abhinav for sharing this with us, and save your feedback until then!


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