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By Cortland Pffefer (with Irwin Ozborne)
Guest Writers for Wake Up World
If you have ever lost a loved one to suicide, you know the tremendous amount of pain it causes. There may not be a worse feeling in the world.
In my experience as a psychiatric nurse, I believe that nobody commits suicide because they want to die — they commit suicide because they want the pain in their lives to go away.
Years ago, I survived a suicide attempt myself, and spent years receiving treatment in rehab centers and psychiatric hospitals. However my friend, Joe, did not survive. He spent many years on the streets and in jails before taking his life on February 25, 2010.
The fact is, there was little difference between us, besides our access to resources and the subsequent treatment and support we received. He grew up in a rough environment which affected his home life, neighborhood, school, friends, and life experiences. I grew up in a family that had some money, offered support, and always knowing I had a ‘security blanket’ if things went awry.
That is how our stories began and unfortunately how one of our stories ended. But did it really have to end this way?
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States, taking more than 40,000 per year (or 12.1 suicide deaths per 100,000 population). At this rate, the U.S. loses 400,000 people to suicide each decade – equivalent to the entire population of Oakland, California. Similar suicide rates (per capita) are also recorded in comparable socio-economies, including the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, Sweden, New Zealand, France and Ireland. (source)
Notably, males make up the overwhelming majority of all suicides.
There is enormous stigma associated with the word “suicide”. But if we are afraid to talk about it, how on earth do we think we are going to prevent it?
People often cringe when the word is even mentioned, or immediately change the subject. When someone is suicidal and expresses their tendency, a typical reaction is to dismiss the problem by saying “don’t talk like that!”, or “that’s not funny”; or over-simplifying the situation with phrases such as, “other people have it worse than you”, “just snap out of it”, or “don’t worry, things will get better”. Suicidal people may even be told they are selfish for having those thoughts, and for loved close ones behind; particularly children.
From my experience working in mental health services, most people just aren’t prepared todeal with it as a reality, in fact most will adamantly refuse to even discuss it. Why? Because as a society and as individuals, we don’t know how. We haven’t learned to overcome the stigma of suicide much less the reality of its causes and effects.
But, when suicide does actually occur, the response from people becomes quite the opposite. Suddenly, everyone is there, and attentive, and they feel terrible. They did not see the signs, never saw it coming, and talk about the amazing qualities of the deceased. Many ask, “Why didn’t they just reach out for help?”
Previous articles by Cortland Pfeffer:
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