OK. You know what would be INCREDIBLE and AMAZING and MUST SEE and BREAKING and URGENT and any other eye catching headline that precedes these same old tired stories?

A flying saucer shaped like a grand piano with lights like Liberace’s piano landing in Times Square and out comes an ET with a head that weighed 150 lbs. wearing Tyson chicken wings and a tattoo of the Partridge Family on it’s forehead, chewing snuff and sporting pointy toe alligator boots and says “I came here from Planet Nibiru to warn you that there is a 13 mile wide popcorn kernel heading directly toward earth and the heat of entering the atmosphere is going to make it pop so make sure you have plenty of melted butter on hand! The kettle that it escaped from will be right behind it. Can anyone tell me where to sign up for America’s got Talent?”

Now THAT would be Incredible.