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Proud to Be a ‘Murican: 5 Things You Believe In

Tuesday, August 18, 2015 22:58
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Aaron Spuler is a firearms enthusiast and recreational shooter. Follow more or his work at The Weapon Blog

Only 28 percent of Americans surveyed think the U.S. stands above all other countries in the world, according to Pew Research. The other 72 percent can sit around and cry in their craft beers while the rest of America celebrates our patriotic pride. Here’s how the 28 percent are celebrating being a true ‘Murican and showing the rest of the world we stand proud.

NASCAR day is a national holiday

You deplore holidays like St. Pulaski Day where it’s just an excuse for schools to close down and stop educating your kids for the day. Instead you recognize any NASCAR race as a national holiday that commands enough respect to say “screw you” to work, load up your truck and head down to the local track or bar to tailgate. Dale Earnhardt is your hero and the only people not into NASCAR are also the same people who think curling is actually a sport. It’s not, it’s just broom whacking a puck down a lane, people. Don’t forget to pack-up the biggest American flag you can find and some Bud to scare off all the hipsters trying to invade the party to turn the sport into something involving skinny jeans and tight T-shirts and snacking on artisanal beef jerky. No thanks!

Total rejection of the metric system

If one more person argues about why America should go metric, you’re going to blow up all those fancy tape measures and scales that measure this made-up system. After all, we went to the moon based on our own merit. The rest of the world can fall in line and stop complaining about needing a universal system. We’ve got one and it’s called the American system. Okay, maybe it’s called imperial units, but that just goes to show that our system sounds cooler than theirs.

Grab everything you’ll ever need at Walmart

Need a rifle? Decked out in camo colors? You can get that at Walmart, as well as a 6-pack of beer, good old American steak, a wedding ring for your old lady, and you can even get a checkup by a doctor all in the same visit. Props to that guy who even brought his firearm to Walmart for his photo session showing off his God-given right to pack heat. While the rest of the country is wasting time shop hopping around to find purified organic hormone-free meat, you’re already back home setting up your shooting range with your buddies and getting ready to take the ATV out and off-road it ‘Murica style.

Prepping with the best

A bug-out vehicle and bomb shelter only scratches the surface of what you have in store when the rest of the world implodes on itself. Whether it’s economic collapse after our global leaders run it into the ground, or an invasion of our liberty, you’ve got it covered. From night goggles to a ham radio and enough ammo to last for decades, you’re prepping for survival. Luckily your group of friends are in the same boat and you’ve already figured out who’s going to be dead weight and which ones are going to have your back whether it’s from an invasion or epidemic.

Fireworks are your right

Who needs to wait for the 4th of July to celebrate ‘Murica in style? Load up your fireworks in your RV and take the family to the nearest abandoned lot where you can set off your goods in peace. Bonus if you can get the guys together for a monster truck rally to celebrate afterwards with some ice cold brews. You’ll make an exception just this once and drink ‘Merica from Prairie Artisan Ales.


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