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A Psalm of Distress
By Vernon Gray
Lord God Almighty – You are sovereign.
Your love is fathomless,
Your grace is boundless,
Your power is without limit,
You are greater than anything man can imagine.
Lord, please don’t ignore me in my suffering,
I am baptized in calamity and all I touch turns sour.
Every day is a crisis and it does not get better.
I know that this is your hand upon my life.
But oh Lord, do not deny me your fellowship.
I can bear life’s lashings and mans rebuke
But I cannot abide the denial of your presence.
I was created to have fellowship with you,
My spirit has awakened to the need for Your nurture,
Please don’t withhold that which is most precious.
Lord, I am wretched and unworthy of Your love,
But surely in Christ I have a covenant with You?
Surely Father I am a son?
What is it that I am missing here Father,
When I petition You, things get worse.
I have been driven from my home, my clothes are in tatters.
Many are the creditors who pursue me without mercy.
The criminals sleep well and enjoy peace,
They are satisfied and exercise power in their prosperity,
Whilst my aged mother supplies food for my house.
The young men give me alms and my family is silent.
There is none to deliver me but You.
You alone are my source of supply.
The world economy is an illusion that I do not buy into,
You are my Shepherd and my daily bread.
Lord, the wicked enjoy the respect of their children
And have honour among their families,
They supply for the needs of their own.
My children are dispersed and have become other peoples joy.
They live in strangers houses because I cannot provide.
Lord God, help me to understand,
To accept my trial would be easy, if only I knew why?
My soul is tortured and drowning in questions,
Is this a trial? Is this your judgement? Is this a curse?
Help me Lord to understand.
I do not ask for restoration,
Only that we have fellowship,
So that I may drink from the well of your presence.
My faith is fractured and my hope evaporating,
What has befallen me does not happen in a normal life.
I do not rely on any goodness on my part,
I have nothing that will draw You to me.
All that I have left is the blessed assurance,
That He is able to keep that which I committed unto Him.
Without Jesus I am already in Hades.
I have hated my life and prayed to go home,
I have despaired even for my salvation.
I feel helpless, hopeless and hapless,
I am discouraged and perplexed on every side
Lord God Almighty deliver me. Remember me.
My God, I feel abandoned and rejected.
Like a child who is separated from his mother
In a cold dark and hostile world,
If I am allotted a portion in hell,
I will be there glorifying Your Holy name.
Do I deserve this misery? Yes, and much more.
But I have an Advocate oh Lord,
His name is Jesus; the Christ in my tongue.
He will plead my case before my enemies
Please have mercy on me, lest I die.
All praise and honour belong to You
Your magnificent glory delights the universe.
Who else is there in whom I can trust?
If not You Lord, then extinguish my being,
For You are my God, and without You all is darkness.
This was written one evening when it seemed that I was going to die from all the stress and misery I had been experiencing. It was a tough time for me personally, in 2001.
I lost EVERYTHING.
Among many other things I lost my place of fellowship, my marriage, my house, almost my entire Christian library containing many hundreds of books and my business. Every single appliance that I had either broke, or simply stopped working.
The washing machine, the toaster, the stove, the hot water heater, the lawn mower, the tea kettle and much, much more. I was 12 hours away from being literally on the street with my remaining furniture. I had mentally prepared myself to sleep in a make shift tent in the bush until I could find a place to sleep safely. Fortunately someone kindly offered me temporary accommodation.
It was extremely difficult to pay my way in a “dog eat dog” world.
God removed almost everything from me. He did however leave me in good health. My body has served me so well up until now and I cannot express my gratitude to God for blessing me with good health and a strong body.
Then on September the 11th I saw the first tower in New York in flames. As I watched the second plane struck the second tower and I knew that the world would change from that day on. Somehow my life’s experiences seemed connected to the 911 event.
So what is the point of all this?
The point is to tell you this: Through your darkest hour, God will not, will not, will not abandon you. It is literally impossible for God to let go of you. It is through this period that I claimed the following passages as my own:
Romans 8:28-39:
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