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Acting on your feelings verses talking about them first. Doing your Feeling Healing – healing sexual problems.
Is it Spiritual Nonsense? Divine Love Spirituality – blog
I recently uncovered the truth within myself through my feelings that I want a ‘sex friend’. Over the years as my sexual stuff has surfaced in me I’ve had to admit to, face and accept my sexual fantasies, part of which has involved wanting a friend who just wants to have sex, and sex any time, and sex particularly when I want it – which is, in my fantasy, all the time. However as I’ve got older the reality is even if sex was on tap twenty-four hours a day I wouldn’t be able to indulge that much in it, I’d physically not have the energy, not like when I was younger and believed I would have been able to – ha, ha. And also, really, do I want to be having sex all the time and doing nothing else? And a part of me screams – YES!, because I want all those nice feelings, and only those nice feelings, to be completely immersed in them with never a bad feeling. YES, I want to escape into perpetual orgasmic bliss, to be consumed by the intensity of it, to never have to deal with any of the ordinary daily chores and boring life that isn’t SEX.
Over the past couple of weeks a growing desire within me being focused on a woman I find attractive has made me think I want to be with this woman asking her to be my sex friend, which of course in my fantasy she would eagerly agree to and off we’d go indulging to our hearts content. And as the desire grew it bought up with it a lot of other issues, such as: do I really want to act out this desire, and it would have to be in secret, and what about Marion’s and my relationship, and could it just be sex without becoming more personally involved with this other woman, and what if she rejected me, or what if it started out okay then all went horribly wrong – what if she even got pregnant? And as the days passed the desire to act on the feelings grew more intense, even though the woman it was focused on wasn’t in the state and knows nothing about my desires, they all being only my fantasy.
I doubt I would have ever acted on the feelings, I don’t think I have the courage, nor do I at this point want to compromise if not end my relationship with Marion. So instead of acting on my feelings I talked about them to Marion.
So over a couple of days I talked and expressed all I felt trying to bring up and articulate all my fantasies and all the hidden feelings whilst longing all the time for the truth to be shown to me about why I was feeling such an intense desire. And as with all such feeling expression the truth came, and one part of it was when the words came into my mind that I wanted a ‘sex friend’, and all that meant. The words defined all I’d spoken to Marion about and all she’d help me to see about my feelings. The words ‘sex friend’ sort of summed it all up – it was the truth of what I wanted, and I could see how it related back to a girl neighbour who was a couple of years younger than me when I was about nine or ten years old. And her liking me and pulling her undies down and showing me herself secretly along the outside of her house, just her and me and our special moment together. It’s only a vague memory now and I can’t remember anything more than feeling good about seeing her and being with her and her doing it with me. I can’t remember if I suggested it to her or how it came about, and I don’t think I showed myself to her. And I might have been even younger than I think I was – everything from my past being so vague.
However from speaking about my sex desire feelings I can see how her openness to me is what I really want – what I’ve always wanted, it turning more into sex as I got older, because sex was mostly something secretive and forbidden, that being what I wanted the most. So I want my sex friend back, and to be able to keep going with her, for all I can remember there was only that one moment with her and no other girl when I was young.
And it’s her unconditional acceptance of me, her not smirking at or rejecting or humiliating or making me feel bad in anyway that I appreciate and want more of, all of course focused through sex. But then having spoken about it all, incredibly all the desire evaporated and I no longer felt I wanted a sex friend, yet I do want the openness and acceptance, which Marion offers to me. So I feel even better about being with Marion, especially with the sex stuff easing off again and for the moment not being part of what I want.
I feel so relieved at no longer feeling those intense feelings, I felt almost driven to act on the sexual desire the next time I met the woman, just to see what happened, sort of, nothing ventured nothing gained, as she could have only said no. But what if she said yes… I felt plagued by the exciting possibilities of being do daring and just doing it, as if I was just starting out on my sexual adventures in life rather than moving toward ending them.
And so what I realised was, as I looked back over my life and saw, just how many times I did feel such an overwhelmingly strong desire to do something, to act, and often I did, and not just sexually. And mostly the things that resulted I was happy about, some also not so happy, and at other times I was quickly refused and rejected. But I can now also see that each time I allowed myself to be led by those intense feelings, believing they were the way to go, the right way to live life – and how could I have not acted on them being so sure they were what I wanted anyway, I actually moved further away from my true self, deeper into my wrongness; I became progressively more bad – more evil.
And so this time around feeling again such intense feelings urging me to act, yet not doing so and instead talking and expressing all I felt whilst longing for the truth such feelings were there to help me see about myself, I could see that I took steps back to myself, lessening my wrongness, not being as bad and so not being as evil. And of course I feel very good about this, this being what my healing is.
So I can see how all the way along my soul has brought up in me such intense feelings from time to time, and really it’s been asking me: Are you going to act on them and not speak about them, not wanting to uncover the truth of them, taking yourself further into your wrongness; or, are you going to embrace them and act on them by speaking about them, expressing them, as you long for their truth? So simply: do you want to see the truth about yourself or not?
So as we know, our Feeling Healing is wanting to see the truth of ourselves through our feelings. And our soul brings about the experiences and all the necessary feelings upwelling within us at those times when we are asked that question, and I think we all have very specific and definite times in our lives when we’re sort of at the crossroads of truth or no truth. But until we understand about wanting the truth and how to get it using our feelings, we blunder unconsciously along taking ourselves further into our wrongness and so making life invariably harder for ourselves.
So it was all a good experience. The intensity of the feelings almost driving me mad with desire at times to act on them, to just say stuff it, I can only give it a go and ask the woman, tell her what I’m feeling, tell her my fantasy and ask her does she want to participate in it with me. And yet I also could feel whilst consumed by the feelings that it wasn’t really me, that I’m not really wanting that life, to be running off with the next woman I’m attracted to, and the next, just wanting them to be sex friends. And it showed me again just how deeply embedded these needs, perversions and desires are within me, and all how they come from how I was treated by mum and dad. The young girl from next door was only the result of deeper psychological influences from mum and dad, all of which I could also see as Marion and I talked about it all and all how we felt about each part of it; however such things are too complicated to write about, so I’m not even going to try, only to say that I could see once again how EVERYTHING within me comes from my early, and right into my earliest, involvement with mum and dad.
We will all need to heal our Childhood Repression – one day
more personal Feeling Healing experiences – Divine Love Spirituality forum
