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The Religion of Family: How can your child love you when you’re making it feel bad?
The Religion of Family: How can your child love you when you’re making it feel bad?
Put yourself in your child’s place. If someone is making you feel bad, do you love them? If someone is making you feel unwanted, unloved, rejected, stupid, humiliated, ridiculed are you able to love them? And why would you want to love them anyway – surely you’d hate them for treating you so badly.
So what is your child meant to do, it doesn’t want to hate its mother or father, it wants to love you, yet you are forcing it to not love you, to have conflicting feelings, to have bad feelings which it doesn’t want to have. And what is a child to do when it feels unloved by its own parents? How it is meant to react? What sort of crisis does it find itself in? And what happens when it’s in such a traumatic crisis many times a day – what does it do with such bad feelings, how does it get rid of them, and what happens if you the parent won’t let it express them?
So many parents think nothing of making their children feel bad. It’s unavoidable, how can you be a parent without making your child feel bad? And is this what you want – to be a parent who doesn’t care that it’s making its own child feel bad and unloved – how loving is that?
And I know, the parent is caught between a rock and a hard place. It can’t avoid making its child feel bad, and possibly in the state we are in being unloving, evil and anti truth, it might be impossibly to only make your child feel good, however still within ones wrongness there is room for improvement, it all being to do with ones level of awareness and how much one does want to love ones child.
But why does one make ones own child feel bad? And as parents the failure to understand stems in part from wrongly feeling that it’s the child’s fault, that the child is the bad one and if it wasn’t doing what it was, if it wasn’t how it was, then there’d be no need to make it feel bad. The parent takes the place of the child, the parent is the victim which the child is meant to look after always making it feel loved. The parent is really still the child itself being badly treated by its own parents, but fails to see it’s projecting this onto its own child, giving its own child the power its parent had over it, but the child doesn’t actually have that sort of power. The child is innocently being the child, doing child things, and because the parent can’t make it do and be how it wants it to be, it wrongly assumes the child has a greater power than it does, so sets about having to take that power away by crunching its child making it feel bad. The child loses out all round, which is what also happened to the parent, and is in fact on inner deeper levels still happening. So now we have an unhappy child who is the parent trying to lovingly parent its own child – it’s not going to be a success, as can be seen by the child crying and feeling bad and made to feel unloved.
So the child is caught in horrible power plays its parents are subjecting it to. The all-powerful parent who feel powerless, is trying to stop its own child from having power over it. The parent tries to be the boss, the authority it even believes its child needs it to be, so dumps all over its child stopping it from freely expressing itself, interfering with it, scaring it half to death, making it fear the very people all it wants to do is love.
And neither the child wants itself to, nor does its parents wants it to, grow up hating and being always scared of its parent. So they both have to put on a show of pretending that things are all right, that love is not only present but dominant, that they both love each other even though both are making each other feel bad so much of the time. But the charade must go on, because if it doesn’t, what each would then have to face about itself would be too much to bear. Neither the parent nor the child wants to own up to the truth of what it is really feeling when it feels bad – that it hates the other and really doesn’t want to have anything to do with them, because after all, who wants to be with someone who makes you feel bad. To maintain such an unloving relationship would be madness, and yet it’s what so many families are composed of.
So what can be done about the terrible situation?
One can do their Feeling-Healing or Soul-Healing with the Divine Love. One can seek the truth of oneself through ones feelings. And really that’s all one can do. To try and change the situation by adopting different behaviour is not addressing the core problem only shifting around the surface layers. And you might be happy doing this, but still one day the deeper issues will need to be addressed.
A parent can look to do their healing, and as they change themselves through it, then they will change how they relate to their child. And their child might or might not be open to such change, depending on how old and influential the child is. And even as adults, if one or both decide to do their healing, their relationships will change.
So being a parent it’s not about trying to change your behaviour so you never make your child feel bad – if that can even be done. It’s not about going to ‘better parenting’ lessons. It’s simply about owning up to how you are as a parent, looking into the truth of your own childhood and relationship with your parents by using your feelings to do so. We are only to understand the negative state we are in. We don’t have to anything to actually change ourselves when we see where we are wrong. We only have to keep owning up and accepting and expressing all the feelings our honesty gives rise to. And longing always for the truth of such feelings.
And as the truth comes, so on deep inner levels we do change, we do heal, even though it might not always be so obvious on the outside. And as you change on the inside, so your child will adjust and go with such changes, it will manifest how you are – how you both are, that being, how you are both treating it. So the more lovingly you treat yourself by uncovering the truth of your feelings, so naturally also will you treat your child more lovingly, and it will naturally respond – lovingly.
Dealing with your family issues by looking to your feelings for their truth
Childhood Repression – the cause of all our problems and why we are sick and in pain
