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Back in the Game – A Girl’s Guide to Surviving Break Ups
Break ups are anything but fun. Whether you were with someone for a few months or a few years, it is very easy to get used to the person and lose some of your confidence when it comes to meeting new people. It is also easy to let yourself go a bit, especially when you get used to staying at home with your significant other, eating pizza and watching movies. You will be left feeling depressed and lonely for a while, perhaps a bit unconfidant and distrusting. Surviving the transitional period between a breakup and the beginning of another more serious relationship is the trickiest part, but there are things you can do to make it a relatively painless experience.
Take some time to adjust, but be active and focus on self-improvement
No one expects you to be able to just brush things of and proceed with your life like nothing happened, particularly after a longer relationship, but there is no need for acting like a baby about it and curling up in the corner for months on end. That being said, in some cases depression can set in – that is no laughing matter and you should seek professional help if you or someone you know experience significant changes in weight in a very short time, stay locked in a room for long periods of time and can’t seem to shake of the bad mood for months. Being active can help even in these severe cases so it is a sound advice for pretty much anybody.
During your period of grief and adjustment, you should keep yourself busy – train your body, go for walks or run, go out for coffee or go shopping with your friends, join a class to learn some new skills, visit family, take a short road trip, convince a few friends to start going to the gym with you, go hiking or climbing, etc. This way you distract yourself from the sadness, you are rarely on your own, you get to meet new people and you’ll get in much better physical shape as well, which can do wonders for your self-confidence.
Distance yourself from the past and start moving on
Staying active and engaging in tons of fun activities will surely help you focus on other things, and you won’t be thinking about your ex too much, but the goal is to come to terms with things and ultimately move on, rather than merely distracting yourself every time he pops up in your head. Start by deleting his number, removing all the pictures of you two together and various trinkets that he bought you from your immediate surroundings, and stay away from social networks for a while. Remind yourself of all the negative things about him and your relationship every time you start to feel overly nostalgic, and avoid social events and places where you might bump into him. Start moving in a different direction and find new ways of having fun. Checking out cute guys and doing some flirting will also help during the first few weeks.
Go out with your friends, but don’t look for guys in all the wrong places
Going out to clubs every night, or getting hammered on the weekends and letting loose is not really a strategy. Overcompensating and trying to live like a rock star is not going to get you anywhere, unless this is what you usually do, you know your limits and are able to hold your liquor. You can meet incredibly cool guys on one of those shopping sprees or trips to the coffee shops with your friends. Always be on the lookout for a good opportunity to do some flirting and start a conversation. Walking your dog, playing Frisbee at the park, buying your groceries in the morning and waiting in line at the movie theater are all great opportunities to meet an interesting guy or girl.
Give yourself a makeover and boost your confidence
There is no better way to start your new single life than with a symbolical and physical representation of the deep emotional change you underwent. A makeover is an incredibly cathartic experience – you can liken it to tribal people going through a ritual of purification at an important crossroads of their life. Get a haircut, change your hair color, start eating healthier and exercising, splurge on some new cosmetics or treat yourself with a day at the spa. Facial cleansing treatments and some decent makeup can do wonders for the way you look and feel. There are facial massagers that can help you deal with a number of problems, such as difficult acne scars, crow’s feet, wrinkles and dark eye circles, while some carefully applied makeup can mask most imperfections and bring out your best attributes. You can even take a course or start watching online tutorials to learn more about applying makeup and putting together cute and trendy outfits. Let the world see the new you.
Manage your time effectively so that you don’t feel lonely
The most difficult times after a break up are long periods when we are left to ourselves, e.g. before going to bed at night. If you don’t create an effective schedule, you can end up by yourself during most of the day on the weekends, or have nothing to do on Friday night but stay at home in front of the TV. Make sure that there is always something to do, somewhere you can go or someone that you can talk to, even if it means calling up your best friend on Skype at midnight.
The first couple of months can be very difficult or you may be able to get back on track after a week – it all depends on how long and serious the relationship was and how well you are able to deal with emotional stress – but it is important to keep yourself on the move and focus on moving forward at your own pace.
