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WeIrD mOoD dEsCrIbEd
I have been in an extremely weird mood for days. They come upon me from time to time semi-irregularly. Sometimes I figure out where its coming from, while other times it just comes and goes and remains a mystery the entire time.
Was it the solar flare? I don't think so. My mood came before it hit and remained after it left. So much for that theory!
Maybe its the weather. We got a sudden low pressure system with reverse rotation, so right now we have winds and weather (clouds and dark, dry days) coming from the east instead of the west. I have had a bad headache on and off and insomnia for a couple of days to go with that– sinus issues, like always– but it doesn't seem to be connected to my mood.
I'm busy. Friends and family coming and going. Preparing for the Highland Games (which are local for me) and Faerieworlds. But that wouldn't put me in such a mental space.
Perhaps I should clarify what I mean by “weird.” Articulate that which is difficult to express in mere words…
I feel “out of place” or maybe “out of time.” As if my positioning in the world is temporarily awkward-? I have a sense of expectation that goes with this mood. A feeling like something significant is about to happen– even if nothing does. Not necessarily bad. Actually, I expect something rather cool and interesting to happen, like a fateful meeting with a new friend, or maybe an event that both entertains me and gives me plenty to speculate about. I keep thinking the universe is not only listening and watching, but like it and I are attuned in some mysterious way. There is the feeling of overarching Presence stemming from this. I keep thinking a deeper meaning will be revealed to me.
That makes this a fun mood in some ways, but at my age, it also becomes ultimately frustrating and disappointing. I have had amazing things happen while in this mood, but most often– I must admit– if anything is going on, its out of range of my conscious mind. No fair-zies!
So I find myself in a state of WAITING. And waiting…. and… you get the drift. *yawns*
I try to be open to synchronicities when this mood strikes. True to form, I'm getting a few. Subtle. I'm not a big numbers person, but part of the rage these days (partially thanks to David Wilcock and our tech age) is to notice counters and clocks and number synchros. Lately, ever since my mood struck, nearly every single time I look at a clock or counter, I get 3 or 4 matching numbers in a row. Its 2:22. Its 11:11. Its 4:44. This post was autosaved at 5:22:22 pm. I'm not even looking for it, but it just happens that way over and over again. By itself not much, but it does make me quirk my eyebrow a bit.
Also the mood carries with it a deep sense of dissatisfaction. Of wanting more. Of being surprised that nothing really seems to be going on. I feel like I stepped into a novel that then went no where worth reading about. Its confusing. Delicious in some respects– great mood for story writing, and so I've been doing THAT as opposed to posting or anything else here lately– but when applied to real life, there is a sense of pointless impotency. It seems as if its unfair to have such a mood and yet get nothing to show for it by the end of the day, day after day.
I feel, subjectively and irrationally, like this mood is a 'heads up' from the Universe at large to be ready to receive a gift or message. Yet, though I find myself receptive, the world ends up ticking on like normal. I feel as if I am being set up and then cheated. I love the set up. Hate the lack of follow through. Does that make any sense whatsoever?
But here I sit. And the mood drones on– enticing me and then enticing me on some more for nothing in particular. So much for the idea that a person can “pre-load” their experiences by mere expectation alone! IF ONLY!! I await results with a totally open mind and yet– .
2012-08-23 15:13:11
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