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Can You Navigate Love With Healthy Boundaries?
27th November 2014
Guest Writer for Wake Up World
Every relationship in my life lately has been an experiment of the idea of unconditional love and freedom. But this week, I finally really got a critical piece of the puzzle. Here’s my epiphany…
It’s totally possible to offer unconditional love plus absolute freedom with no conditions, but access is completely conditional. (LIGHTBULB!)
Brene Brown says the most compassionate people on the planet are the ones with the highest boundaries. Now I get it! For so long, I made the mistake of thinking that unconditional love and freedom meant expecting nothing in return. Wide open heart. Zero conditions. Forgiving people over and over again when they hurt you or betray you. Giving people permission to break your heart. And that’s part of it. You can’t walk around guarding your heart all the time. When the gates of your heart are closed, you may be less likely to get hurt. But you’ll also be incapable of giving and receiving love.
I’ve spent years learning how to love without conditions. It may be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But perhaps, even harder, is loving unconditionally while setting appropriate boundaries.
I now realize that unconditional love means you live in a state of acceptance and appreciation and gratitude for this person you love. You expect nothing and are willing to live from the heart. It also means you have zero tolerance for your own victim story if you don’t like how someone behaves. You are the scriptwriter and director of your own movie. You own your part in everything, rather than blaming, shaming, and judging someone else.
Unconditional love means you resist grasping or clinging or projecting onto someone else. You don’t require that they abide by any rules in order to earn your love. The love is a gift, like grace. You give it freely — just because.
Previous articles by Lissa Rankin MD:
- Are You “Spiritual But Not Religious?”
- I Beg You To Quit Pretending
- What Is Shamanism?
- 9 Practical Tips to Help You Find Your Calling
- Are You Committed To Your Soul’s Integrity?
- Will You Practice Judgment Or Compassion?
- 10 Fun Ways to Reduce Your Cortisol Levels
- 6 Stories To Make You Believe In The Power Of The Mind To Heal You
- A Radical Way To Grow Spiritually In A Relationship
- 7 Tips For Finding Your Tribe
- 10 Surprising Things That Trigger “Fight-Or-Flight”
- The Difference Between Judgment and Discernment
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