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10 Signs Fear Is Running Your Life (and How to Get Back on Track)

Monday, March 16, 2015 13:48

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(Before It's News)

17th March 2015

By Lissa Rankin MD

Guest Writer for Wake Up World

Most people in our culture are riddled with fear, and it’s running the show in our lives, taking the wheel in most of our decision-making. But the funny thing is, we don’t even know it. This is partly because, in our culture, we tend to dress up “fear” in the more socially acceptable clothes of “stress.” And stress — well, hell — stress is practically a badge of success in our culture!

We’ve been taught to think that fear is for sissies. We see it as a weakness, something we should hide from others and deal with alone in dark nights of the soul. But fear is not something that should elicit shame or stay hidden. Fear is sneaky, and it shows up in all kinds of disguises, but until you see it for what it is, it’s hard to come into right relationship with fear. Now more than ever, our fears need to shamelessly take center stage so we can let fear illuminate everything that is in need of healing in our lives and finally be free.

Physical therapist Val Zajicek says PAIN means Pay Attention Inside Now. I think fear is like pain. It’s an emotional and physical signal alerting to you to Pay Attention Inside Now. Rather than running away from it, we need to examine it and let it heal us.

How can you tell if fear is running your show?

1. You find yourself striving in vain for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection.

When you’re afraid (of criticism, failure, and rejection), you’ll kill yourself trying to be perfect. But of course, the mask of perfection also separates us from what we most want — real intimacy, to be known, loved, and accepted for our true self.

2. You settle.

When you’re afraid to take risks, defy convention, and go for what you really want, you convince yourself that your less than juicy life — your relationships, your job, the dismal state of Mother Gaia — is as good as it gets. When fear is running the show, you forget how to dream. You compromise in the name of being “realistic.” But settling isn’t realism; it’s a devastating symptom of the fear that what we hope is possible really isn’t. When you make the brave move to get to the other side of these fears, hope returns. It’s not the dashed hope of the crushed idealist; it’s the alive hope of those who are creating a new future, one in which we won’t settle for any less than joy, vitality, even miracles.

3. You say yes when you mean no.

When you’re afraid to disappoint people or get rejected if you don’t say yes, you’ll fall into fear-based, people pleasing, self-sacrificing behaviors that lead to resentment. But when fear is no longer running the show, you say no when it feels self-loving. As they say, “No” is a complete sentence. This doesn’t mean you won’t devote yourself to generosity and service. It means the service stems from a genuine love-based, rather than a fear-based motivation.

4. You say no when you mean yes.

When you’re afraid, you’re unlikely to take risks. You’ll feel the yearning to start your own business, go out with your dream girl, take that bucket list trip, have a baby, or take an art class. But you’ll say no because you’re afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid to get rejected, afraid to stir things up, afraid to get out of your comfort zone. When you let fear cure you, you’ll start letting your soul take the lead, taking leaps of faith and saying yes when you yearn to.

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