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When We Love an Addict – Courage and the Limits of Compassion

Monday, October 12, 2015 15:49

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(Before It's News)

13th October 2015

By Jack Adam Weber

Contributing Writer for Wake Up World

At some point in our lives, we are asked to show up for an addict. When we love or are attached to this person, the ride can be rough for us, for the relationship, and everyone involved. Addictions most often conceal emotional pain, some form of despair and self-dislike. They either numb physiological pain, or distract the addict on a psychological level. Most often, both physical and emotional denial and numbing are at play.

The damage that addictions cause is usually more damaging than what one feared facing in the first place. When we face a challenge, or pain, we fear dying. But the challenge usually presents a death and rebirth experience from which we can emerge more whole and healed, not a literal death threat. While we may fear the death of our sense of self, and avoid that reckoning through addiction, ironically, our addictions are what actually kill us. What the addict does to counteract fear is scarier than what he avoids. Presented with an opportunity, the addict misunderstands the opportunity and takes it as a threat to his survival, and ends up killing his life.

For our part, it’s one thing if the addict we love has addictions, is in denial, and defensive. It’s another if they are humble to it and see the problem, genuinely want to work on it and heal, and follow through with consistent action. For this we can keep our hearts open, we can make available our compassion without sacrificing too much of our wellbeing. And it can be a rewarding experience, to be there for someone else and watch healing take place. When we feel that our energy is being used for good, to build another’s confidence, strength, and integrity, it also builds our own. And it gives us hope for humanity generally.

When our goodness is not used by another for more goodness, it’s not worth our effort. There are plenty of other worthy places to spend our good energy, towards fruitful results. When our efforts are appreciated, not left to wither away by the denial of an addict before they get a chance to land in their heart, they can create a revolution of awareness to displace the negative cycle. The weeds that have grown too tall for too long begin to recede. Then we all get to watch flowers sprout, which presumably, is why we help.

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