The Bitter Truth: Befriending Loss and Moving Through Grief

By Jack Adam Weber

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

“Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Is it possible that grief is not just wretched sorrow? If so, to experience anything more than destruction in grief, what is asked of us?

Moving through loss is to not bypass the transformation it has in store for us. But to move through it, we first have to let it in. Once we allow it to settle in us — seeming to occupy every cell of our body — grief leaves us when it’s ready. So, in reality, we let grief occupy and move through us, leaving us changed to the degree we allow it to do its work.

At the center of grief is a strange sweetness, the tenderness of what we loved, that has left us now. So afraid we are of feeling wretched pain, we push our sadness away. This is a learned behavior, as we want to protect ourselves from what hurts. We can unlearn it and move counter-intuitively, and wisely, into our longing and heartache.

Moving away from what hurts our heart is also encouraged by a consumer-happy, discomfort-averse society, as well as through our involuntary motion away from pain. Doing so, we occupy numbness and superficiality and forfeit soulfulness and depth. Unmetabolized grief stunts our passion, sense of purpose, and our love.

Erroneously, we think that resisting emotional distress and pain will protect us, just as we might fend off an infection, an unruly person, or the common cold. Yet, with emotions, we must work paradoxically, and with an uncommon courage and inner resilience, in order to transform them. In actuality we don’t transform them; they change us in their own time according to how fully we can let them work on us.

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Previous articles by Jack Adam Weber:

• The Modern Shaman: Fierce Love at the Frontier of Madness
• When We Love an Addict – Courage and the Limits of Compassion
• Arrogance in Relationships: How to Deal With and Heal It
• 11 Reasons Why Hippies (Not Psychos) Should Rule the World
• The Monsanto Years: Singer Neil Young Rips Into GMOs, Big Biz and Conformity
• ReVOLUTION: When Enough is Enough
• Sex – Truth and Dare, Pleasure and Purpose
• Relationships: The Costs of Staying When We Should Leave
• Yin Yang — Ancient Wisdom for Personal and Planetary Transformation
• Heartbreak – Loving Ourselves Through Difficult Times
• Sacred Space – What Is It and Why Do We Need It?

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