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Forget Flesh Eating Bacteria, Avoid Flesh Eating People. Use Zombie-B-Gone!

Monday, May 28, 2012 20:01

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(Before It's News)

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I’m hannibal lector (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Report: Miami cop shoots, kills naked man eating victims face – chicagotribune.com.

In a scene out of every zombie movie, a policeman shot a man who was eating another man’s face.

A whole bunch of questions arise about this scenario, which was captured on the Miami Herald‘s security cameras. After watching the video, I realized all the action took place in the far left corner, and all you see is a police car drive up and some movement under the bridge. Even at the end when the camera pans in closer you get a PG view of the man’s legs.

Oh, did I forget to mention the man was naked? All the news media have focused on that. He was naked. Very important detail. I’m much more interested in why he was lunching on his buddy’s face. I don’t care if he was wearing a bowler hat and tuxedo. It’s the cannibalism, not the nudity, that should be reportable here.

But, given he was naked and had decided to play out a scene from Living Dead or any other zombie movie, let’s make a few assumptions about this particular individual.

One, he was probably not an escaped Hannibal Lector. Usually that would have led to a nationwide warning. He was someone who decided that his buddy’s face looked yummy, without a prior history of that behavior. (How did Hannibal make it through kindergarten?)

Two, he took off his clothes in Miami. It’s pretty hot, but chances are he was really hot. What drug do we know combines serious hallucinations with internal heat that causes even people in Maine to shed their clothing? That’s right, bath salts.

So I’m making a prediction that this fellow was flying high on bath salts. Which makes me kind of leery about being in the Miami area this weekend. If the particular mix this guy took sent him this far off the edge, chances are more is floating around. (There are many, many different variations on bath salts. None of them are at all smart or “cheap.” Going insane is NOT a cheap high.)