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On the Costs of Community
Money means math, and for many years that equaled “BORING” to my mind. However, money is about more than numbers- its about behavioral trends and the whys behind them…
For instance, there is much touted about the loss of community and how awful it is and how we need to get it back. I'm one of those people, right? But let's face it, people don't make decisions that are BAD unless they have an incentive.
I found an article that expressed this sentiment well:
www.transitionus.org/blog/aftermath-hurricane-sandy-long-term-view
The entire article is responding to what happened after hurricane Sandy, but its in those little details towards the end of the article you find meat like this:
“The Reality of Community
There is a next step though and it is just as important – building or regaining a community for yourself. Much ink has been spilled on this – how we, in this country, have largely lost the community ties that we had as a society, even though it provided huge benefits to people. Many imply that these community ties were taken away from us.
EXCUSE ME. The reality is we as a society largely walked away from these community ties. The reason is simple: building community has a personal cost - you can't relax and watch the last episode of “American Idol” if you have to attend a church, Rotary, Lion, Grange, Masons, you name it meeting that night. There are other costs – do you really want to deal with that guy in the club, or what have you, who is just like your jerk brother-in-law?
In our affluent world, we have often decided that the benefits that having a community for ourselves provides are outweighed by the costs. Obviously, in the past where people were far less affluent, a different calculation was made. Again, excuse me, but am I not saying our future is likely to be far less affluent than it is now?“
In light of what I said yesterday regarding the worries about having to deal with the inevitable melodramas that are created whenever you engage in any group for a long time, this seems an appropriate thing to pull out for examination!
I LOVED being a part of a community. I LOVE that I'm creating and maintaining one here at White Gables. I really enjoy knowing people and not being lonely or wondering who my neighbors are and feeling like I know people who have my back and knowing that I'm known and matter to a few people. All good things. There is a great upgrade to your personal security when you have a neighborhood and/or close spiritual community. You have a fallback position automatically. You have a place to go in an emergency. You have family, whether they are related to you or not. We evolved to have tribes and/or villages, and we thrive best in that environment. We behave better (because eyes are watching) and learn the arts of courtesy and reciprocation. All to the good…
BUT! Yeah– what that woman said (writer of article)! There is a cost. There's the DRAMA for one, and it can be very frustrating and ultimately draining. Its inevitable because people talk and have up and down days and, when reputation matters as it does in a group- behaviors unremarkable when anonymous come back to bite you in the ass when you're known. A group holds you to a standard of behavior and woe unto you if you don't uphold it! And personalities clash. Some people are nosy busybodies and try to manipulate people and events for their own advancement (or even just for entertainment). Some people are dealing with incredibly difficult issues. Some people weren't raised right and don't know how to deal with problems very well.
And when you can have the choice to flip the birdy, sign off, and walk away–? You DO. We all do. Haven't we all been in communities where the cost became too high and we just HAD to leave?
The word that goes with COMMUNITY is COMPROMISE– and as a society we are out of practice. Our comedy families on TV get their laughs by making snarky remarks that would in reality create tensions that rip apart groups. We're encouraged to do what we want when we want to “because the heart wants what the heart wants”– but you can't get away with that in a community! You have to have rules, and standards, and be considerate and think before you act or speak. Life is both easier and harder in a community.
Because we've entered dark times, society will once again turn towards community for mutual aid, protection, and comfort. Etiquette and courtesy will become huge again (in time) and proscribed rules for interacting with people will once again become the norm, because communities can't afford to have people in on-going feuds all the time. Its fun to watch on reality television, but death to a real community. Our ancestors weren't stuffy, they were just trying to avoid having to deal with other people's damned issues all the damned time!
So pursing community (as I am) means you have to face the reality of what that means. You can't be a hypocrite, for one, because community mirrors you back to you– only by their collective standard! You have to learn to hold your temper. You have to learn to reach out. You have to become comfortable with INCONVENIENCE! Another word that should go with community. There's a price to be paid for the prize of community.
America has this ideal of the “Rugged Individualist”– but the truth is that shtick only works for mature rogue males living on the fringes of society. For the young, the old, those with jobs, in school, growing food, making things, and doing what it takes for everyone to survive requires getting along in inter-dependent groups. That's the reality. As we fall further into energy decline and global climate change, the need for active assistance to be on hand will be a growing reality for most of us.
SO LEARN TO GET ALONG WITH PEOPLE!
Even if, sometimes, you really, really don't want to… because people are difficult. WE are difficult.
2013-01-30 00:17:34
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