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Headspace/Heartspace
I'm in a weird headspace these days– an odd heartspace too, now that I think about it…
Things are going well in general, and I'm quite content for the most part. Its been BUSY most of the time, but not so much I've been too overwhelmed more than a very little bit. Other than some annoying issues with my health and family, I've had little negativity recently.
Yet I'm fighting feeling like I want to hide more from people. I'm sure its an odd mood that will pass, but I just feel like I'm not getting something I crave socially, and I'm not even sure what it is– and so I want to pull back until I figure it out!
Right now, I'm REALLY liking my fantasy worlds WAY too much. Its a great way to fight off boredom or explore various issues, but its also a major defense mechanism, because in my pretend worlds, I can have 'safe' intense relationships. Right now, it seems like none of my relationships is intense. (Although, with my husband, I'm wanting more calm, because when he and are are both intense it quickly becomes too much to take.) I'm wanting more stimulation, more attention, more nurturing… something along those lines.
And I feel pretty fucking selfish about it, too- because I figured out pretty long ago that I don't have that “it” factor that makes people I gravitate towards want to lean back towards me halfway. So I wilt a little and plod on, and go run away into dreamworlds of my own making where I matter a little more (or a character like me only better matters a little more!)
ug!
Its probably a moody, type-4, fairly temporary version of Spring Fever. The world wakes up and a part of me doesn't feel in synch and so chooses to go back to sleep to dream privately.
Source: http://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/1026815.html
