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Imagination Returning
One of the worst things about the last year or so has been the inability I've had to imagine away my issues and pretend things mentally in personal fantasies. I'm a Type 4 on the Enneagram, so that's my go-to coping mechanism. Reality boring or kind of sucks–? No problem! Just spend a little time in another one!
But–! While I was revolving my entire life around the emotional rollercoaster of the divorce, I couldn't do it. I was in sheer survival mode, unable to relax enough to focus upon my inner life.
Within just a few days of my arrival in Ghost Lake, however, I found myself drifting easily into old habits. This delighted me, because I don't think anything has caused me more suffering over the last year than the loss of my ability to go elsewhere in my own mind.
At last I feel safe enough to give myself some space and time for that silly time eating habit! (I'm also reading novels again, which is essentially the pretendings of another person shared in print.)
It also means that I am increasingly able to focus on research and writing– two other things that were cast aside as I dealt with overwhelming circumstances. I can start journaling again, which helps me process daily life, and return to the many ongoing projects I was working on before shit went sideways!
I have to admit, there was a tiny part of me that was afraid I'd never get it back. What if I was forced to 'adult' for the rest of my life, the divorce forcing me to grow up completely and lose that last bit of childhood that I cherished– the ability to pretend? As I was forced to give it up for over a year (since troubles began before the divorce did) I took on new behaviors that soon became habits. What if I got stuck there, as most adults do?
The HORROR!
But not to worry… my inner kids are well and active, and we are once again playing. Just as it ought to be!
Source: http://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/1195436.html
