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And the second realization that comes is: “What I used to call 'I' was nothing but this combination.”
When this whole combination subsides, falls into a deep harmony, the discordant notes become a symphony. You suddenly become aware of a new I, which was standing far back because the noise of your mind was so much, and you were so much engaged in all that. Your real self was simply waiting for you to look inwards. But you were focused outwards, and you were so much struggling with things …. You cannot be victorious – and you cannot be defeated either; you will always remain in a limbo, in a confusion.
Once all that confusion is gone, suddenly from the background a new concept of your being emerges.
It is more like am-ness than I; it is more existential. It is not egoistic, it is simply a feeling of am-ness.
-Rajneesh