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American Idol Top 11 Results Recap: Contrived Surprise…
Saturday, March 26, 2011 20:49
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Let’s just pretend that it’s Friday and this recap is on time… mmmmkay?
Thursday night’s American Idol results show was some good stuff. Some thought maybe the best ever, and some cynical people that only got rocks for Christmas thought the whole thing was made up. I happen to fall in about the middle of that category because I thought it had some awesome spontaneousness, and some horribly contrived drama all at the same time.
So let’s discuss…
It was Steven Tyler’s 943rd birthday, so there’s that. Swell. Good for him for defying the odds, I guess. Then we had the always horrible and painful group number, which was especially lame when poor Stevie Wonder got out there and everybody feigned like it was the second coming of the Messiah on stage. Knock it off, guys. I’m too young to fully appreciate Stevie Wonder, because like Elizabeth Taylor, he was a bit of a caricature in my time. I mean…I Just Called To Say I Love You pretty much says it all. So kiddos half my age pretending to get it? Just gross. Knock it off. You don’t act like that when your Grandpa’s brother, Great Uncle Phil walks into the room, please don’t insult Mr. Wonder by doing it to him. Respect him as your elder, let him pull a quarter out of your ear, and let’s move on.
Blah, Blah, Blah, more boring stuff happening, Skeletor Marc Anthony, blah, blah, blah…
Then there was the most bizarre thing I have ever seen in my life. Seacrest pulls Rod Stewart Lite and Crap Tail Durbin onto the stage and makes like it’s all serious business and they’re headed to the Stools of Shame™…then we have…um…Hulk Hogan? Why? What the holy hell does Hulk Mother Truckin’ Hogan have to do with the price of potatoes around here? This is American Idol…maybe Mr. Hogan got lost looking for the WWE Smackdown set or something.
But no…he comes out and tells Rod and Crap Tail that they’re safe and Crap Tail has some kind of nervous breakdown because he is in the presence of a demi-God among mere American Idol mortals. W…to the…T….to the F….I’m just not understanding this.
The phone ringing breaks up my confusion, and of course it’s World’s Leading Authority™, the artist formerly known as my mother, calling to give me her predictions, because she’s oddly a savant about this show. I can’t be sure the woman has bought a CD since the Dixie Chicks Wide Open Spaces, but she knows her Idol…
“Ha! My top three made through!”
Her top three? Jacob (barf), Scotty (barf with a twang) and Naima (tone deaf barf). Ugh. Really? But she was right, they did make it through…so who did she think was going home?
Haley the Cross Eyed Barbie Doll.
But guess what, guys?! Mom was WRONG this week! I had predicted Thia, right? Well in the bottom were Thia, Stefano, and Casey. I thought once again, that victory was mine because out of those three, clearly Thia the Singing Robot would be outta there.
Thia ended up being safe! What?! Noooooo! Then it has to be Stefano! It was the penne! His mom cursed him with the penne that Gordon Ramsay spit onto the floor!
Now here’s where the cynical people are calling supreme BS on this all being a rouse by the producers. Too many things fit into place a little too nicely here. By this point, we know all of the Top 11 are touring. Seems like an odd number, but whatevs. Then Casey is eliminated for being scary, and doesn’t even have to sing 8 bars of his song before Randy saves him and the judges didn’t even deliberate. They had a lot more to talk about with Karen Rodriguez for whatever reason. Also some were calling Casey’s reaction a bit over the top and played out.
I’m with the angry masses up until that point. I think America was very afraid Casey was going to drop dead at the news of being saved. If that kid was acting, nominate him for an Emmy or something, because I seriously thought his spleen split in two at that very moment in time. I do believe the producers and judges had a pow wow and knew what was up going in, but I don’t think Casey had a clue.
Anyhoozer, we go into next week still with 11, and two being eliminated. Should be pretty interesting to see if that kind of pressure is a game changer with this group.
