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Election Day 2024 – A True Story (part One)
He awoke at the crack of noon and lurched to the small bathroom, still groggy from seeing nine clients yesterday, and then watching last nights great Fox-TV cartoon marathon – eight hours of Dillyman and Gloober – I mean, how could he not watch that? And, all eight hours of it was great too.
He didn’t want to wake his father who must have downed twice as many M-POW!-r’s as he had while they watched, and was surely sleeping it off at the other end of their trailer. That M-POW!-r shit really kicked ass, he thought, and guessed that was why the armed forces made it standard issue in each of our three current theaters of war. Disney really had a goldmine there, a synthetic Methadone drink – and he had a connection for it – too sweet.
He threw on his Dow Cantel hoody – a gift from a client. He really loved it. The best thing he thought, besides it was pretty warm, was you can’t tell it isn’t a synthetic. He vaguely remembered there used to be something called cotton…oh, and something called wool too. Anyway, it was getting real cold, and he made a mental note to try to score a heater. Another winter without heat would be a real drag. He brewed up a pot of KBK, clicked on the TV to his very favorite of the 16 Fox News Channels, tore open a Twinkies Plus Ten-Pak, and slowly ate breakfast while watching TV.
There he was – his man – the guy he would vote for later. Republican House Leader Colonel Jack “Big Jock” Jeffcoat, war hero, and the face of M-POW!-r, which, as everyone knew, had made him a trillionaire. He poured another cup of the Koch Brothaz Kaw-Fee (“Virtually Better Than Real”), and watched his man speak at a coal miners rally in Ohio.
“Every man here knows that I know how to fight. Every man here knows that I will fight for him. You have my word on this.” The crowd, each and every one of them with a can of M-POW!-r in their hand, jumped up and down as they erupted in a roar of approval. Then that disembodied voice that you always hear on the NFL football films intoned from off-screen somewhere, “Jack “Big Jock” Jeffcoat, President George W. Bush, President Ronald Reagan; three on a perfect match. giants in the long line of great Republicans for the people – and M-POW!-r, the preferred drink of our fighting men and women everywhere in the world Remember to vote Republican today and together we’ll keep our democracy strong.”
It was real cool, real impressive he thought, and he liked that the miners were all drinking M-POW!-r too. He guessed that they were allowed to just this once seeing as it was a very special occasion, like sort of a tribute to House Leader Jeffcoat since his father had invented it – which is why he was a trillionaire. He had a feeling that someday he too would be a trillionaire. He just knew it in his bones.
Suddenly his other fave program, The Fox SuperToons Squad went on, and he definitely had to watch some before he went to vote. He went through a mental checklist of the voting requirements, all of which he was glad he met; He was a third generation white American male, he had just turned 16, he had graduated from the eighth grade, and his name did not end in a vowel or a z and – Holy Reagan! Today’s SuperToons Squad was really the best one he’d seen this week – by far – and he made another mental note to definitely watch tonight’s eight hour SuperToons Squad Marathon.
And, after voting, he just had one client to see – an older Wall Street type, then he’d just score some more M-POW!-r, get on home, open a couple of cans of some of that good Monsanto Norwegian Rat ‘n Roach Stew, and he and his dad would watch all 8 hours of STS too. Life was good.
Now if only his dad could find a job, maybe he could stop turning tricks, and life could get even better.
(To be continued…soon)
© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Filed under: Cautionary tale, Presidential Politics, Science Fiction/Fact, writing Tagged: Dow, Fox TV Cartoons, George W. Bush, Koch Brothers, Monsanto Rat ‘n Roach Stew, Republicans, Ronald Reagan 
Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.
Source: http://barkinginthedark.com/2015/11/15/election-day-2024-a-true-story-part-one/
