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Republican Air Force Bombs United States
New York Feb. 12 – Early yesterday morning, in a concerted pre-dawn strike the Republican Air Force bombed every major city in the USA.
Flying above heavy flak the Republicans decimated city after city with precise pattern bombing. Today they issued a statement saying in part; “They made us do it. It had to be done…just look around! You can see for yourself that this country is now no longer working the way it once did!””
English: Ted Cruz at the Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Said Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-TX); “Merely because we bombed everythin’ ta the ground is no excuse fer trains, roads, fahr depahtments, mail service, an’ all tha rest a them thangs we Amuricans count on, not to be workin’ propuhly. We Republicans have worked fah too hahd an’ fer fah too long to let this cuntrah suffah at the hay-unds of a few Democrat whahners who want people to have healthcayer at tha expense of tha health of ow-uh beloved cuntrah.”
He continued; “We felt that it was in the best innerests of ow-uh great cuntrah to show ow-uh citizens what it would be like if tha disastrous Affawdable Cay-uh Act wuz not overturned. Whut we have now – schools destroyed, hahways an’ roads unusable, homes in ruins – is exactly whut would have happened in a short mattuh of tahm were this he-ah treacherous act allowed to exist any futha.” He then downed a shot of Maker’s Mark.
Michele Bachmann, founder of the Tea Party Caucus, said; “The Affordable Care Act must be repealed before it literally kills women, kills children, and kills senior citizens.” She added; “Poll after poll showed us that the American people would rather be bombed to death rather than have Obamacare forced upon them. We were forced to this action by the Democrats stubborn and unreasonable refusal to negotiate on our terms and our terms only.” She then ordered a Maker’s Mark martini.
Speaker of The House Paul Ryan said; “I talked with President Osama last night. I told him: this is not about you, or me, or the Republican Party, this is about what’s best for the American people.” He then downed a shot of Maker’s Mark followed by a beer chaser.
Republican Governor of Florida Rick Scott, who steadfastly refused to allow Affordable Care Navigators to work in his state said; “Our elderly, as well as all the citizens of my state, were backed into a corner by what we knew would be the unworkability of Obamacare. This left us with no other reasonable choice but to deny access to these so-called navigators, and then, in the best interests of our citizens, to ultimately blow everything up.” He then ordered a mojito – and a shot of Maker’s Mark.
Ted Cruz (R-TX) Republican Presidential candidate, Tea Party leader and the current Commander-in-Chief of the RATS (Republican Air Tactical Squadron) also known as the Flying Evangelicals of the Apocalypse, said last week; “the Affordable Care Act poses the same sort of threat that Nazi Germany posed to Europe.” Today he added; “In that light, can any sane person blame us for bombing the country to smithereens? The blame for this bombing falls on the Democrat party for putting healthcare ahead of what’s best for our country.” He then quickly downed a double shot of Maker’s Mark and scurried off to insult someone.
Echoed Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus; “Once again, Democrats are unwilling to listen.” He then poured each of them three more fingers of Maker’s Mark.
Rush Limbaugh, interviewed at an all-you-can-eat buffet, said; “These brave forty Congressional members known as The Tea Party will go down in our history as America’s greatest patriots. I myself would have flown on this historic mission to return sanity to this country had I been able to find a flight suit in my size.”
He paused to re-fill his plate for the third time then continued speaking in between huge intakes of pork belly. “This carpet bombing also has many anc – anc – (aacchhagg) – ancillary benefits, such as; defunding some of the schools in this Socialist program called Head (aacchhaww) Start, where a bunch of dirty street kids get free lunches on my (aaruccchugg) dime and these dumb waste – (arrgyucchh) – ful SNAP benefits: The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program which is a huge crock anyway. Nutrition assistance? I don’t know – I never needed it.
Plus (aarrcchhaaggh) whew, that was close… and this is a biggie – there can be no new applications for Social Security. That in itself is a huge win-win. These are programs we Republicans have been trying to kill…” he stopped, pushed away from the table and stuck a finger down his throat, threw up, and continued: “kill, hahaha kill, I made a joke – Hey! HEY!! Will some serf with a mop get his black ass over here and clean up after whoever made this frickin’ mess? I’m eating here…Jesus Christ – dumb lazy ass coloreds.’ He scootched back to the table and continued: “Anyway, we Repub-(beeeuurrrrrp)-licans have been trying to kill these programs forever…and all we had to do was carpet bomb the country to accomplish this. Who knew?” He stuffed another slab of pork belly into his fat maw and followed it by downing two more oxycontins with a double shot of Maker’s Mark and asked for the bottle to be left.
As of this report, Ted Cruz has health insurance, Michele Bachmann has health insurance, Rush Limbaugh, Paul Ryan and the billionaire Koch brothers, who funded the air strikes, have health insurance. The Kochs were – and still are – funding a nation-wide campaign to dissuade young people from signing up for health coverage through the Affordable Care Act exchanges in hopes of then making the premiums unaffordably high for those who participate in the system.
This would negatively impact seniors, the lower middle class, and the poor the most. Excepting the seniors, these other of our neediest citizens would then be amenable to joining the armed services as their only way out – and in order to get healthcare and make a decent days pay. They can then be used as cannon fodder by the Right-wing Republican super-rich in whatever phony war they have scheduled next.
Donald Trump, the leading Republican candidate for President said: “this is yuge – yuge. And, when I am elected President, trust me, I will get rid of Barack Hussein Obamacare and we will be respected everywhere. It will be tremendous – and fabulous. You have my word.” He then bought 20,000 shares in the Maker’s Mark Company.
Of course, by leveling America to the ground – thereby causing unspeakable hardship to us all and especially the most vulnerable among us – the Tea Party Republicans and Republicans in general at the behest of their super-rich masters have done, and shall continue to do us, all a great service.
Right?
© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2013, revised 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Filed under: Cautionary tale, fantasy?, Humor, NEWS, Presidential Politics, satire, writing 
Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.
Source: https://barkinginthedark.com/2016/02/13/republican-air-force-bombs-united-states/
