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An Open Letter To Donald Trump From Adolf Hitler
Herr Trump, or should Ich be callink you Herr Drumpf…
Ve had zem you dummkopf! Alles uff zese morons in your pocket zey vere! Aber, vass eine really lousy scheisse vould-be dictator you haff turned out to be. Bitte, let me giff to you der first lesson in dictatorink ja? Dictatorink vun-oh-vun! Ja?
YOU HAFF TO GET ALLES UFF DER PEOPLE TO BE LIKINK YOU!
TO LUFFFF YOU!
Zat ist it in eine teeny tiny shell das is nutsy. Und at ziss you are ein miserable failure. Neffer in alles uff meine years of dictatorink, und Ich knows wass Ich am schprechen about here mister – neffer haff Ich in meine life zeen zuch eine schmuck at beink adored. Ich knew Mussolini und you are no Mussolini! Beliefe me! Und ven Ich says beliefe me, me you can beliefe!
Goebbels ist pukink out all his kishkas in das toilet ven he iss zeeink you und your shtupid orange monkey face zayink zese ridiculous sings, und looking like eine ignorant moron mitt on your head a bird’s nest und mittout eine zingle zaving grace. You vouldn’t know how to exterminate ein Chew, much less six million Chews, efen iff zey begged you for der Zyclone B shower to be giffink zem.
In your zo big mouth you are haffink both your feet. You zay you can be Presidential? HAH! You can’t efen be ein catcher uff der cutesy little frankfurter puppy doggies. People do not like you! Zo, Ich ask you; how in der name uff ein Kaiser roll mitt zem itty bitty little schwartzer seeds zat in your teeth get shtuck can you effer be ein dictator? You zay you are ein vinner? Bullshit! You are at dictatorink ein miserable loser!
Das only tink you haff right is der media und das immigrants you are blamink! Aber, das is alles! Das rest is fahrshtinkiner!
Ich vouldn’t let you dictate at ein school uff das little kinder. Four year olds right srough you zey could see mittout nein effort. Und zey vould – mitt alles der itsy bitsy teensy weensy hertz und brains – hate you! You are on ziss whole planet das most transparently unlikeable perzon uff effer! Und uff ziss Ich knows – now! Eine dictator you vanna be? Gib mir eine pause! Me, Goebbels und Göring sit around laffink at you. Ve are callink you Hair Donalt.
Effrey uzzer vednesday ve boys get togezzer over a nice brunch uff brats und beer, Mussolini has alvays ein cannoli, und schprech of zose good times ven das dictatorink ve vass doink. Me, Vlad, Caligula – zere vass a dictator – Benito, Pol Pot – das guys…und unanimous ve are zat an embarrassment you are to the good name of dictatorink.
Und, vass is mitt zis vinink? You keep on mitt das vinink like ein little boy who hass his wee wee pee pee in a zipper caught! Vass is das mitt alvays die vinink? I am haffink to be hearink you vine like Eva ven a new couch she is vanting! Shtop! Aber, you can’t shtop – can you? You are vass der Chew Maher schprechens you are – ein “viny little bitch!”
ZER ISS IN DICTATORINK NO VININK !!!
You should back to Trump tower go und be das dictator of das elevators und das escalators und das men’s rooms. You are too easily teased to be immune to das criticism from your enemies mitt das skin zat iss zo thin. Und, if blowink us all up you vould make to happen because your feelinks get hurt, good zat vould not be! You vill for sure alles killt dead get us! Und, ven you are killt dead you cannot dictate shit!
Herr Trump, ven it is dictatorink zat iss das topic, und zis ist meine zpeciality, from me you can take it – you zuck! You haff no shot – eine dictator must be respected! Must be beliefed! Must be trusted! Und, sehr important uff alles – must be luffed! Luffed!
BUT – YOU, YOU ORANGE PUTZ – LUFFED? EXCEPT FOR A HANDFUL OF IDIOTS MITT TEA – NO VUN EFEN LIKES YOU!!!
Und, zuch hopes Ich had…
Lol, Adolf…
Heil myself!
© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Filed under: Cautionary tale, Humor, NEWS, Presidential Politics, satire, writing Tagged: Donald Trump, Hitler, Mussolini, Nazi, Republican party 
Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.
Source: https://barkinginthedark.com/2016/08/04/an-open-letter-to-donald-trump-from-adolf-hitler/
