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I’ve wasted time and I’ve failed. Repeatedly I’ve failed to get new work. I had my lowest percentage in XI. XII was tough. I couldn’t understand in physics. It just floated above my head. Result in board exam was poor. I had to take the physics paper twice to clear. Gave competitive exams after XII. Dad wanted me to try, but I was afraid of physics. Didn’t study well, wasted money on multiple exams. Shifted to Delhi and had to stay at various people’s homes before we could take our place here. It was embarrassing, but the turning point came when I secured admission in Jesus & Mary, that too in the first cutoff.

College wasn’t fun. I was a geek. Couldn’t make many friends, spend much on clothes or pursue my favorite hobby of dramatics. Felt left out for such a long time. Began my first job at 21 and shifted quickly in succession twice. Got placed in a swanky corporate office year later with a decent salary. It was good to begin with, but things changed slowly. Foolishly left it three years later, without anything further in hand. I was confident I will find another one quickly. Unfortunately, no one found me suitable. Took me more than 600 days to find my true calling – “writing”. Made 20 cents on the first assignment I worked on. Though the money was with PayPal for a long time (took me time to reach the minimum withdraw level), it was liberating. I began exploring. Got some odd jobs, took everything that was offered.

It’s been six years in writing now. I work as a freelancer. On good days, I get offers to write for the British Council, Shri Ram School, Times internet, etc. for their corporate websites (who knew they hired freelancers!!) or new ideas to work on. On bad ones, I lose my inspiration to write or to do anything else. I waste time.  Currently, I’ve no work. It’s been two months, not a single project. Hadn’t happened till now, but hey – this is life. Nothing moves smoothly. May be I’m not trying hard enough. I just don’t have the continuous will to try. I give up too soon. But cursing myself doesn’t help.

For the last one year, I’ve made a consistent effort to improve myself. I’m learning to get rid of hollow emotions. I sometimes fail, but the attempt is continuously on. For me, happiness is a daily decision. The moment to be happy is now. I think less, feel more. Frown less, smile more. Talk less, listen more. Judge less, accept more. Complain less, appreciate more.
I get up early and meditate. It’s such a power booster. Has helped me to increase my concentration power. I do Surya Namaskar followed by 10 minute exercise routine. I go out for walks every evening. If for any reason I realize I will miss, I carry sneakers in my backpack and walk back home. I don’t eat outside food. It gives me a control over my taste buds.

Don’t limit yourself. Every success story we hear has a gruelling past. Understand that you can do more only if you are healthy. Squeeze active working out routines, even if it’s for five minutes. Sleep early. Get up earlier than your neighbors. Don’t keep television near to where you sleep. Switch off your phone and laptop by 9 pm. Talk less. Observe more.  Make the day count.

Do something that makes you happy. Read a book, one paragraph at a time. Question your values, your routine and make changes to it. Do not check your Facebook every day – the lives people show isn’t that upbeat. There’s a lot of difference between showing photographs and maintaining that smile forever! Most of us are neck deep in similar conditions. Accept it, judge what you stand for, question your values (your living style), make one small change a day and move on.

Nitima