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The Heat Ain’t That Good After All
Well, well, well. After 51 games of the current NBA season, it turns out that the reasons given by The-Traitorous-Scuzball-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless for jumping teams during the off-season have no basis in fact.
When he decided to take his talents to South Beach, his main rationale for making the switch was that the Cleveland Cavaliers management team was not surrounding him with enough quality impact players to win an NBA Championship. So far, his current Miami Heat have statistically done no better than his last two Cavalier teams. What’s a person to make of that?
To date, the Heat have won 72.5% of their games this season. During the past two regular seasons, the Cavs won 74.4% and 80.4% of their games. The Heat’s offensive efficiency rating is 116.4. During the past two regular seasons, the Cavs’ offensive efficiency was 118.4 and 115.5. The Traitorous Scuzball is averaging 38.3 minutes per game with the Heat; in the past two seasons, he has averaged 39.0 and 37.7 MPG. (See chart for a more complete comparison of the Scuzball with the Heat in 2010-2011 and with the Cavs in the preceding two seasons.)
No, the only thing we can conclude from the statistics is that the Traitorous Scuzball must have made the jump for totally personal and selfish reasons — not because the Heat offer him a better chance to win a championship than the Cavaliers did. Of course, we knew that all along. South Beach is just more fun than Cleveland. He can be worshipped just as much in South Beach as he was in northern Ohio, while bathing himself in much more decadence.
Look up “selfish” and “turncoat” in the dictionary. You’ll find pictures of the Traitorous Scuzball.
2012-12-23 11:33:52
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