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Reese & Titania Over for An Evening
I haven't seen Titania in over a year now. She started college classes (in botany, mostly) and between that and my spending so much time helping Robin, we've been missing each other, even though she's the only friend I have within walking distance.
To be perfectly honest, however, that's not the only reason I haven't seen her. I heard through the grapevine that yet again here is a person who fears I am judging her! She kept asking me for my opinion about various things almost since we first became friends, and I've always been honest with her– but we've never fought, and I've always been accepting and never judged her in a demeaning way. I know when things must have shifted and what I said, but… it was one of those issues you had to bring up or hate yourself. Even so, I was pretty low key about it and swore to never bring it up again, just let her know my concern and that I was available to help if it was ever needed. I greatly admire her many strengths and find her very easy to adore and told her that as well. Yet later I hear she told others that she didn't didn't need my company because, “I don't need another mother.“
~ SIGH! ~
Reese is helping me with some issues and I've given her a couple of tarot card readings, and she's Titania's best friend, so she was the one who initiated us all hanging out again yesterday evening. It was a very casual affair, just sitting or standing around, noshing on some nibbles and talking about various and sundry. It was easy finding lots to talk about, and we exchanged homemade gifts of jams, jellies, salsas, and pickles (as Titania also is learning gardening and food preservation on her parents 1 acre property.)
Before my friends left, I gave them both a big hug and teased Titania, saying, “Don't be a stranger. I'm not that scary.” And she ducked her head and smiled adorably of course. We'll see how it goes.
Titania spoke to Gerick outside alone when the 2 of them went out for a smoke a couple of times and she admitted that she was projecting her issues with an overly critical mother onto me unfairly. “Lucy wasn't looking down on me, I know that, but I want so much to live up to her example and I know I fail. I got me some mighty demons I'm battling right now, Gerick,” my husband reported her saying, “I'm working on it. Lucy didn't do anything wrong, she really cares about me and I just felt so ashamed because I don't deserve that kind of friend.“
A pic from a couple of years ago–> 
I cross-examined my hubby at that point because, really–? She said that really? But Reese verified almost the exact same thing in a follow up phone conversation later and so I guess that's what she actually said.
Titania has always been down on herself, and if anything, I have refused to join her in that attitude. I genuinely enjoy her company and have opened admired her many good qualities, and not– I hope– in a weird, patronizing way. Its like she thinks she doesn't deserve it, but then the one thing I had a concern with gave her the excuse to reject ME for being critical.
…. I think I'm beginning to understand how this human social defense mechanism works.
2013-01-07 19:49:58
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