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IFS Exercises: Restaurant Meltdown Assessment
We ran a lot of errands this weekend, it was very busy for us. Halfway through getting things done, we stopped for lunch.
Cat decided on a 50s style diner. When we came in and I looked at the menu, I saw that a part of the venue's “schtick” was large portions and juiciness (messiness.) They had it posted on a couple of places on their menu “DON'T DARE ASK US FOR A KNIFE OR FORK!” like it was a joke, but still…
I rolled my eyes and ordered a their version of a philly steak sandwich.
When it came, I felt my heart sink. It was over a foot long and made with thick toasted bread. I have a small mouth and hands, there was no way I could eat the damn thing like a normal sandwich! I sighed and said this aloud. Cat, who is always a rule follower (being an Aspie) said, “But it says on the menu not to!” I got vaguely annoyed by her. It wasn't like it was a choice. Either they brought me a knife or I'd have to pack it up to go and wait for her and Sharn to finish lunch– and just not eat for a while. It was that stark of a situation.
But I got the waiter's attention (who was actually the owner, I found out later) and asked for a knife. He couldn't pass up teasing me, apparently, and repeated what the menu said… and then he said, “If you wanted to eat something neat and wrapped in paper or something, you'll have to go to a different restaurant!”
… and I felt it start up. The rising tide of anxiety that precipitated an anxiety attack. I wouldn't call it a panic attack because it would take more than being frustrated and embarrassed for that, but it was its little sister, and it was still not going to be fun. A rush of thoughts and emotions went through me. I was angry at the stupid sort-of pretend 'rule' that you just had to get messy. I was angry this guy was giving me shit– even playfully– when I made a request that was perfectly understandable and reasonable. Really, I wanted to get up and tell him off, even punch him. I never would, but I was pissed off at being challenged. Then, on the other side of that was the realization that I was starting to freak out and was probably going to embarrass myself. Another part of me was full of fear and wanting to just run away. Yet another felt angry at Cat for suggesting this place, and yet another was humiliated because I was going to lose it in front of my roommates and there was no way to avoid it.
I looked away from the guy, and I wasn't laughing. My face got tight, and he realized his joking wasn't going over so well, so he laughed and said, “Don't worry, I'll brink you a knife.”
Tears were getting ready to fall, and I tried to stop them, but to no avail. The guy brought me back the flimsiest, cheapest plastic table wear butter knife made (like– seriously you could bend it without trying) and realizing it wouldn't work to cut through the tough bread, I couldn't hold back. I started to weep silently.
Sharn was alarmed, but Cat had been around me enough to guess what was wrong and actually said it aloud. I looked at her, since I couldn't talk well, and nodded and touched my nose for, “hit it on the nose.” I looked out the window and wiped my eyes, and then blew my nose, hoping the other diners wouldn't notice. It took a few minutes to get a hold of myself, and then I apologized. But both of my roomies said I didn't owe and apology, they kind of owed me one (wow!) and we'd leave shortly.
I ate my onion rings and drank my drink and took my meal home to eat later. There was no other way to consume it. I will also never go back to that place again. The food was OKAY, not actually good, and the hassle was completely bullshit. Also– I was angry enough that when I paid I didn't leave a tip. I only do something like that once a decade, and only if I'm made miserable by a wait-person (or owner.)
So I need to look at all the Rays and Shadows involved in that scenario and see what I can do about healing this repeating situation. Whenever I get overwhelmed by a frustration, and then on top of it challenged by a person, I lose my cool. And I don't want to keep having that happen! So I'm going to do an IFS therapy thing regarding this very issue in the next couple of days.
Source: http://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/1217142.html
