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PLUTOCRATS PETITION CONGRESS (“The cost of a Rolls-Royce has gotten out of hand.”)
The House of Representatives, at the behest of five of the wealthiest families in America, have decided to open hearings on why the cost of the 2015 Rolls-Royce Ghost is now $383,000.
Attorneys for one of the prominent families whose name was not divulged said; “my clients now find themselves hard-pressed to furnish each of their seven children with a new Rolls-Royce Ghost, as has been their family tradition every year.”
When recently appointed Speaker of the House, fourteen year old Young Republican Richie Grundesmann, was asked by reporters why Congress would even consider holding hearings on such a seemingly trivial matter- in the face of all the pressing matters facing the middle and lower classes of this country – Speaker Grundesmann said; “I mean, I dunno…we’ll see.”
Idaho Republican Congresswoman Madeline Koch-von Kupfermann then stepped to the microphone and said; “Just because these families are the wealthiest among us doesn’t mean they don’t need our help in this economic climate, something I think the poorest among us can understand. Although my husband is perfectly content to be driven around in his 2014 Rolls-Royce Ghost I myself am also faced with the problem of being unable this year to purchase a new Rolls-Royce Ghost to replace my old 2014 model –and so I feel deeply for the difficulties these families will now face and I am sure you can all understand that something must be done to address and remedy this problem.”
When asked what she thought of the overwhelming number of people who were of the opinion that this was the epitome of greed gone wild she said, “I doubt if any of these people could even afford the gas it takes to run this car since it only gets 12 miles to the gallon – so they would never want to buy this car in the first place.” When it was pointed out to her that it would take most working-class people in this country 20 to 25 years to earn the $383,000 it takes to buy this vehicle Congresswoman Koch-von Kupfermann said; “Exactly our point, this car has gotten too expensive – even for the wealthiest among us – and we need a Congressional hearing to resolve this problem immediately before it causes all of us, rich and poor alike, any more hardship.”
The congresswoman cited a phone call she received from one of her more valued and important constituents saying; “He called me in the middle of the night frantic, saying that if we let any of these candidates in the Commie Socialist Democrat party become President that because they would raise his taxes he would have to cut his household staff down to ten, imagine! This would include having to lose his chauffeur, which would, as he said, mean having to drive himself! And then he said, and this was heartbreaking; and if I do drive one of my cars myself, I ask you, am I going to leave an almost $400,000 vehicle parked unattended in downtown Coeur d’Alene, Idaho? Would you? Would any factory worker, or secretary, or delivery man…I ask you? This man made a lot of sense and a most compelling argument.”
When reporters asked her if she thought it was a good idea to raise taxes on billionaires, millionaires and the 20 most profitable U.S. corporations that paid no taxes in 2014 in order to pay for free college educations, free health care for all, re-building our crumbling infra-structure, which economists have shown this tax hike will cover, and that under Republican President Dwight D. Eisenhower the wealthiest among us were taxed at 91 to 92 percent – and this country prospered as economic growth averaged 2.4% per year, and, among the many infra-structure improvements, we built the interstate highway system and by doing so each federal dollar invested in construction generated close to one half-hour of increased employment.
And, adding to that, workers across America, not just those who built the roadways, benefited — in cement and steel plants (50 tons of concrete and 20 tons of reinforcing steel went into each mile), in paint and sign manufacturers and in heavy equipment factories and oil refineries, and which construction led directly to increased availability of food at lower cost to the average American family, she responded by saying; “I haven’t seen the studies of the Eisenhower years so I can’t comment as to the veracity of these things.”
When reporters told her that these were economic facts easily verified she said; ”I have to go to a meeting, but I just know that raising taxes on corporations and the rich while lowering taxes on the lower and middle class isn’t fair. This is why we must elect a Republican president – to prevent this from happening. Electing a Republican to the White House will insure that every American will be able to own a $383,000 Rolls-Royce Ghost – or even two. Like them I am an ordinary citizen of this country and I can relate to working-class difficulties in this economic climate.”
She then waved to the assembled reporters as she got into the back seat of her idling 2014 Rolls-Royce Ghost. Her chauffeur then closed her door and quickly got behind the wheel and drove her away.
© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Filed under: Cautionary tale, Humor, NEWS, Presidential Politics, satire, writing Tagged: infra-structure, President Dwight D. Eisenhower, Republicans, Taxes, Wealthiest among us 
Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.
Source: http://barkinginthedark.com/2015/10/17/plutocrats-petition-congress-the-cost-of-a-rolls-royce-has-gotten-out-of-hand/
