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Election Day 2024: A True Story – Part 2

Wednesday, December 2, 2015 9:05
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(Before It's News)

It was snowing – again. It had been snowing now at least three times a week since July. Good thing it rained most of the other days in the week which helped clear the snow somewhat – though it was a bit messy. He was glad they had the raincoat and galoshes his grandfather had left them when he passed. And thanks to Fox News he knew that this couldn’t be climate change or what some called global warming because, as they explained, snow was cold so how could the globe be warming? And all those so-called scientists who were wringing their hands over what they called global warming were nothing more than alarmists

He insta-zipped open the cold can of M-POW!-r and took a long chug, the synth-meth produced an almost instant intense overpowering rush. It was electric. He was invincible. He might have been cold – but he was happy. Everything was alll-RRRIGHT!

Thanksgiving was nearing and he started the annual debate in his mind; should he buy a heater, or two fully dressed stuffed rats for the holiday. His father loved the water bug and Bredd stuffing as did he and fresh rat would be a wonderful change from canned. Real bread would be a special treat too he thought, but A. it was too expensive, and B. it was just stuffing and Bredd would do just fine.

He leaned forward and stared intently into the TV. Fox was replaying the 2020 beatification and canonization of Ronald Reagan…the now blessed Saint Ronnie of Tampico, and even though he had seen it at least ten times before he always enjoyed it. Also, it was playing on every channel. He took another pull on his M-POW!-r and leaned back in anticipation of seeing President-elect Jack “Big Jock” Jeffcoat’s first press conference in celebration of The New Republican Party’s big win.

Official Portrait of President Ronald Reagan.

Official Portrait of President Ronald Reagan. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

He let the narration describing the amazing love Saint Ronnie had for public education – and the common working person – wash over him as his mind went back to his last client of the day – Charles, a Wall Street banker.

It was an easy trick – Charles came in his hand in maybe three minutes – but he was still a little upset that he’d been talked down from his usual fee of eight dollars to half that. He knew that Charles was right when he said; “hey, I can go to anybody else out here – there’re thousands of kids your age out on the street doing what you’re doing and they would welcome the business. Be smart and take the four bucks.” And he did. He knew that he and his father couldn’t afford to lose a good client – and the banker knew it too.

On the TV, President-elect Jeffcoat was now promising a new era in democracy – more jobs, healthcare for all, better housing, and a better education for everybody. He vaguely recalled the last election in 2020 when he was 12, when The New Republicans won…or were they just Republicans then and did he hear almost the same words? He tried to remember. No – no, that couldn’t be. They couldn’t have made all those promises. No way – or else his father would have a job – and he and his father would have a real home maybe, and also his father would be able to go to a doctor. They would have told him, right? So they couldn’t have said those things before. And what did it matter anyway – everything was freakin’ great! He took another swig of his M-POW!-r.

He knew that President Jeffcoat would make good on all these new promises – after all, the other Jeffcoat slogan besides “Make Love AND War,” which was a big reason he voted for him, was Vision: 20/24. His father had explained to him that it meant that he and his aides could see everything “very, very, clearly…much better even than 20/20.” And also, that’s how the Jeffcoat team had explained the new slogan on that Fox TV News special.

Plus, he also knew that Jeffcoat would also keep us safe from an invasion by Canada about which the new President had said – he tried hard to remember, and thought he had the words right – yes, that was it; he’d said that an invasion by Canada was “an imminent and dangerous probability.” He thought that perhaps, as the President-elect’s party was urging, we should probably invade them before they invaded us. He knew he’d enlist if that happened, and whether this new other war happened or not he was glad that he’d voted for this great ex-Blackwater man who could surely keep all of America safe. We needed someone like him to manage the four wars we’d then be in. The two land wars – what they called “boots-on-the-ground wars; the war with the twenty-two United Arab Federated Countries, the upcoming one with Canada, and our two cyber-wars with India and Argentina.

The Fox TV News reporter had said that President Jeffcoat had won by an almost unanimous vote – 95%. That was impressive, and it proved that he was a great man, and that he’d voted for the right person earlier.

He heard his father cough at the other end of the trailer and remembered that he’d meant to buy a heater today…he had to decide; the heater or the thanksgiving feast. With what he already had and the ten tricks scheduled for tomorrow he could buy only one. Then he heard a voice on the TV say “Now stay tuned for another great Fox-TV cartoon marathon, eight hours of the cartoon series that you, the wonderful Fox viewers, have voted as your very favorite show of all-time! – The Adventures of Dillyman and Gloober!”

Wow! Even though he had seen it the night before, he was so stoked and ready to watch it again – and he knew that Dillyman and Gloober was his father’s favorite too. There was always something new in it each time you saw it. And shit, did it make them laugh! He also knew that watching all eight hours like he had the night before would be a great thing.

He took another swig. That’s why M-POW!-r was so fucking great he thought…it made you feel like you were doing great things – that you were always accomplishing something so totally unbelievably great. It did make his throat a bit sore though, and he coughed a lot, but so what – compared to how great the rest of him felt, and man, eight more hours of the greatest TV – ever!

He heard his father’s approaching shuffle, his coughing more frequent. He went into the mini-fridge, got out another cold M-POW!-r, unzipped it, and put it besides his father’s rickety beach chair. We had a great new President who was going to make everything better – just like he said he would…“Vision 20/24 baby – way better than 20/20!

Hey, and maybe even a new great war that he was old enough to get into, and eight more hours of great cartoons. Life was awesome! Fucking muthafucking awesome! And it was awesome tonight even without his other very favorite Fox TV show – R! M! E! – Rape! Murder! Execution! He took another pull on his M-POW!-r…what a night it was gonna be…again!

He decided on the fresh stuffed rat – they had to celebrate how blessed they were. Once again, the heater would have to wait.

(To be continued…)

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Filed under: Cautionary tale, fantasy?, Science Fiction/Fact, writing Tagged: cartoons, Dystopian future, fantasy?, Fox-TV, Ronald Reagan, Synthetic Meth, Thanksgiving Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.


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