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IFS Exercises: Restaurant Aspects Identified
Yesterday I wrote about an embarrassing experience I had at a diner. I wanted to use that as a starting point for working with some Aspects that need more help. (I know this situation seems rather petty. That's the problem with having a fragile system, though– it doesn't take much to have a melt down. If I want to keep the dramatic reactions to truly dramatic situations, I need to build up my resilience to get to a more 'normal' reaction point.)
Aspects I note from yesterday:
~ A very defensive Ray that was trying to prepare for 'battle' upon realizing that a confrontation was likely over the whole 'no knives' rule. That part made me feel annoyed at Cat when she didn't back me up when I announced my plans to ask for a knife anyways. My intent was to simply be assertive and make my reasonable request, get it fulfilled, and then enjoy my meal. This aspect suspected it wouldn't be so simple. It sensed trouble coming. It successfully got up the gumption to 'break the rules' and ask for what was needed in an assertive and respectful way. Seemed like an adult, no nonsense, had a plan, followed through– then shit got derailed.
I thought it was Major Ray, but now I think its a female aspect. Defensive, with a bitchy undertone, like she's bitter at the unfairness of the world, and gets ready to fight if she has to… I get “Bitterwitch” as a name. I see her as this character, which is interesting, given the Shadow involved. But the attitude, the dark tonality… yeah…
She's like Michelle Pfieffer's character from White Oleander!The Ray was trying to run interference to prevent the part of me that lost control from coming forward. It failed, and so…
~ I got the Shadow that was a defeatist and a pessimist. It 'knew' that we would not be respected. It 'knew' that we'd be given obstacles that would make eating a simple meal out more of an ordeal. It though it knew (but was wrong) that our roomies would be disgusted with us for ruining their meal. It felt like this was a cruel world that just had no empathy, tolerance, patience for people like us. I could feel a younger, more vulnerable version of me with this one. Probably a younger teenager, although I had this problem from childhood, so I'm not sure. It just 'feels' adolescent.
And I believe this Aspect calls herself 'Crybaby' because that is what I was called as a child by other kids. I was notable for so easily succumbing to tears going way back. This is the character I see– Note that apparently vulnerable characters I seem to see as blond! Huh. Perfectly fits the Ray who went up to bat first…
The daughter character from “White Oleander.”
~ Another aspect I would call a Guide or 'Essential Self' (according to the books) was saying soothing things and trying to keep the calm. It directed my attention out the window to distract me from obsessing over my own reactions and said patient things and talked me down from the anxiety. With its help, I was better after a few minutes. I imagine its almost like an inner Therapist.
Ha! I just asked for more information, and I got the image of Jaime Summers from The Bionic Woman! I used to watch and love that show as a kid, and my favorite thing about it was Lindsay Wagner's portrayal. I identified this as an iconic character that became a helpful Ray when I was still a child. She came 'back' during my divorce. I watched the entire show after I had a dream with her in it, and I realized what a large part of me she was, if mostly in the background most of the time.
She's blond, but healthy and strong and a feminist, but nurturing and natural.
I'll call this Guide Dr. Summers. I believe she's my Green Guide, in charge of my Heart Chakra. She's always been pretty together and I called her in to help many months ago. Glad to see it worked!
~ Yet another was berating me for my over-reaction, and when I started crying, it started cussing up a storm in the background of my mind. I can definitely identify that Ray as being my Inner Dad, who used to be horrible to me when I dared to show any emotion at all, good or bad. He acted like I just 'put on an act' to get attention and manipulate people. This aspect's name is 'Rotten Red'- my dad's nickname with his friends from way back.
My father looked like a fat Jack Nicholson. Ergo–
Wow… that's uncomfortably close to my father in his 60s! He had a bigger nose, and higher forehead. Other than that, though-? Spot on!
I think Bitterwitch doesn't want to hear from Rottenred, so she tried to step in and make things work out okay. When she didn't succeed, that opened the door for this aspect to start up his bullshit.
Okay– so 4 different Aspects from that one situation at the diner.
I engage with these aspects (as least some of them, hopefully) tomorrow.
Source: http://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/1217375.html
