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Reading Books Banned in Public Schools
In a stunning announcement today, President of the NEA, Tabatha Klondike, banned the reading of books in every public school in the nation. "From now on, all reading, and writing, will take place on a computer," she explained to a packed auditorium of the nation's top administrators and educators. "Books, pencils, paper, and, like, all other outdated technology in use back in the 'oh-hundreds' have no place in a twenty-first century classroom. There's nothing we need to do that can't be done on a computer."
Grinders and paper shredders have been ordered for school libraries across the country, with instructions that every piece of written material is to be "recycled" into something much more practical. The resulting mountains of paper pulp will be distributed by an international, non-profit art co-op for use in paper mache projects around the world.
"Like, as long as I'm in charge, the government school system will not repeat the mistakes of ancient Egypt when the papyrus bushes were harvested into extinction because they wanted to keep making those nasty old paparazzi scrolls. We will not contribute to the slaughter of our nation's peach and apple trees just so little Billy can scribble dirty notes on a clean sheet of paper to pass around to his friends. Like, we've got honeybees dropping dead left and right because of cell phones. This modern day genocide of plant and animal life has got to be stopped – and as far as I'm concerned, the duck stops here," Ms. Klondike continued her passionate tirade to thundering applause.
When asked how children who did not have computers in their homes would do homework and other related research, the exuberant president also announced that legislation was about to be introduced which would extend the school hours to ten per day. "Like, this way, we'll know every child is getting a balanced dinner and doing their homework. They'll have a little bit of time for some meaningful community service before the buses pick them up and drop them off at home – like, just in time for bed."
Ostensibly, this program would not increase teachers' hours or duties. The additional workload would fall to a group of "life coaches" and retired prison guards to be hired from the private sector. The funding would be obtained from a "mandatory donation" assessed all parents whose children are carrying a sub-par grade point average. Preliminary surveys taken from P.T.A. meetings show that the proposed legislation has overwhelming parental and teacher support.
"I mean, like, we're already set up to tame these little monsters. It's just a matter of letting us do what we do best," Ms. Klondike concluded her address.
Click here for my private interview with Ms. Klondike for more insight into the subject of public education.
This lady is an absolute idiot! Fahrenheit 451 all over. Regular parents, working people, and non-idiots will stop this bitch long before her plane leaves the ground.
Peace out!