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The Art of Letting Go

Monday, September 10, 2012 2:20

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(Before It's News)

Sometimes it’s just time to go!

Whether it’s a summer romance in July or a more enduring relationship deep into December—–the results are in ——–When it’s time–Move On!

Sometimes your relationship radar is functioning just perfectly and you have successfully diagnosed your relationship to be a No- Go. You have zeroed in on all of the intolerable behaviors and you have followed up on all of the questions that were needed to be asked.

But, and that’s a ” Big But”————-you still find yourself in this relationship that goes nowhere and causes you grief.

Yes, like a doctor who is too busy, you have correctly diagnosed the problem but you have not started the treatment.

Why?

Fear of being Alone?
Fear of not being able to Heal from a lost love?
Fear that no one else on the planet will want you?

All of these worries may be present and keeping you in a relationship that you know should be over. All of these worries are emotions that we ‘ll call your “Emotional Mind”. Your Logical mind has already concluded that it is time to move on. So, it appears that we have a stalemate which leaves you in an uncomfortable position.

Fortunately, thanks to Marsha Linehan, a psychologist who developed Dialectical Behavioral Therapy ( DBT ), we now have a road-map to get ourselves out of such predicaments. The solution? Developing and using our “Wise Mind” to guide us. Our Wise Mind takes into account our Emotional Mind and our Logical Mind to help us make the best calls in life and keep our act together.

Additionally, other DBT skills can help us to better deal with painful emotions that follow break-ups and all of the other feelings that seem like a tsunami about to engulf us. Thankfully, DBT shows how to “Surf that wave of emotions” so we can safely get to shore. So, if you need help—- DBT therapists and groups are available out there for you.

Luckily, there are also some very simple ways to make any break-up go more smoothly. Consider these:

Get rid of any annoying mementos including pictures, gifts and favorite songs.
Keep busy, work on yourself and not just meeting someone else. Start a work out program or learn a foreign language and feel your self esteem grow.
Once it’s over, it’s over—–no reason to meet for lunch! That will just irritate your healing scar.

Ok—- no more wasting time and holding on to the past and the increasingly unpleasant present. When you’ve determined that it’s 0ver——–Do It!

Take a listen to Mikaila singing some lessons about “The Art of Letting Go”