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Talking Deer, Daytime Alien/Owl, & Love Letters: Summer of 1989
After the plum tree incident, things settled down for a few months. I finished doing my alien abduction research– buying every book I could find, reading them (often crying as I read in moments of shock) and writing down anything I had not already written down.
Psychologically, I started really working on my personal glitches. I took up exercises from cognitive therapy– which essentially teaches you how not to make your depression and/or anxiety worse by exaggerating negative things to yourself or discounting positive things. It also tries to help you separate your own popularity (or lack thereof) and your feelings of worth. Sometimes other people are wrong about you and you can't beat yourself up over it. I was still having some panic attacks, but I came out of my depression that winter. It was strange, because people who were used to me being this overly-serious sad sack for the last 5 years or so were really not sure how to take my healthier attitude and reactions. I was more humorous and playful and spontaneous, and I got some flack for it– go figure!
By the time spring came along and things started indicating “They” were around again, I was handling things much better. My period disappeared by mid-spring, right on cue– and since I'd only been on a few dates and STILL hadn't done the deed, all I could do was roll my eyes and carry on. I knew what to expect now, and my main concern was that “They” not screw things up too much!
Despite my fears, I insisted upon challenging myself again by returning to camp as a counselor once more. This time, I was promoted to Unit Leader (from Unit Assistant the year before) and I changed my name from Rain to Flame. I felt I was a different person and wanted a name that captured the “new” me– one that didn't cry at the drop of a hat, for one thing!
For returning counselors, I soon learned that my odd behavior of the year before was still a topic of discussion around dark camp fires. A couple of times Pebbles or Moose brought up the weird things I did the year before. I could only shrug– there was no way to explain it, so I didn't try.
My second year, the unit I was assigned to was for Middle-schoolers, and it was in central camp– with other units near-by and street lights by each unit house. No more 1 miles hikes in from the boonies! Consequently, far less creepy and suspicious things happened at my unit, and I was able to relax most of the time. I even took a few more nighttime “Taps” breaks!
However–! As soon as we took the girls out into the surrounding forests and hills for several days in a row of primitive camping (tarps, no tents– and relieving ourselves in holes we dug with a small shovel) strange activity went off the charts!
On only our second session in early July, I had the most dramatic incidents take place. To begin with, I felt watched all the time, which by itself was no big deal. However, it quickly became obvious to everyone- including the 2 other counselors and our group of nearly 20 girls that things were extra spooky. At night, there was the sound of very fast footsteps off in the shadows. Birds seemed to avoid our area, and night insects were silent the entire time. Several girls asked if the area was haunted, even though it was just a natural area we were in– no old buildings or anything. But I understood completely– the atmosphere was just eerie.
One of my assistant counselors complained that she had a really vivid dream where some deer came and woke her and I both up. The deer could “talk with its eyes” (and already I was thinking “uh oh” since talking deer was such a common 'screen memory' and she had never read of this sort of thing.) The doe (?) led her and I down an unused path and that's the last thing she could remember– until she woke up in her sleeping bag.
“The freaky part,” she told me, “is that I have leaves and crumbled mud on my feet and in the sleeping bag and I had some tiny twigs in my hair!” [Uh oh!] I tried to rationalize it away by insisting she must have got up in the night to use the “bif” (or Bathroom-In-Forest.) But she denied it. Eventually, that counselor became my friend for over a decade and she learned the truth. I had to tell her eventually, because after that night, many times when I was taken– so was she. Apparently, she wasn't an abductee before that time, so its one of those rare cases where she “caught” alien abduction syndrome by being with me at the wrong place and time.
The second day of our camp out, I went up towards the logging road where our supplies had been dropped off. I needed more water or something. It was a beautiful, sunny day– and I could hear the girls laughing and playing in the camp area behind me as I walked. As I rounded the final corner where the supply drop came into sight, something to my right caught my attention. There was a big white thing there. I kept walking as I turned my head to look and I just could not believe what I saw…
It was an alien grey– only it was almost perfectly stark white. Its head was as big as a football helmet and it had those wrap-around eyes. It was standing still on top of a hill (I thought) looking over at the supply drop- so it (he) didn't see me quietly padding up the pathway. This being was solid and physical. The sun shining on his head made it stand out like crazy. I was in such shock I didn't ever stop walking because my mind was still trying to process the moment.
They weren't supposed to exist during the day!- my mind insisted. Of course, in an isolated area with plenty of cover, that's nonsense, but since I almost only ever saw them at night, I apparently developed a sort of belief system about it. All my panic attacks came at night. And now here I was seeing this thing out during the day, as plain as you please!
Another moment and I saw him turn his head to look in my direction and I caught the, “OH SHIT!” sort of thoughtwave (without the words, but you get the point) before he turned to run away.
It was in the very next instant that something very interesting happened. It was an important moment, because I was wide awake and paying very close attention, despite my shock. At the same time the grey scrambled to run away, dashing through the underbrush of this 'hill' — a very powerful image of a big white owl came to my mind. Of course, I had just seen an alien grey. Not to mention there are no owls that stand 4 feet tall and lack feathers! So I wasn't fooled, but I wondered at the power of the image and idea that what I had actually seen had been a huge owl. Because it wasn't just that I suddenly had an image in my mind of a big owl, I also had the idea planted firmly there as well. A suggestion if you will…
I kept walking right by where the being had stood, and I could hear loud, clumsy crashing sounds as the being made its way through the foliage in an utter panic. I really felt the panic coming off of it, and since owls don't project thoughtwaves either!– that was another clue. My mind started doing that loop thing where I keep going over and over something unbelievable, trying to assimilate data– and on automatic pilot I went to the supply drop, grabbed a jug of water, and turned to go back.
By the time I reached the spot where I had seen the grey standing, the crashing sounds in the forest had ceased. I finally stopped and took a breath. Should I go chasing after it-? That was a daring thought! But it didn't use paths, it went right through underbrush– thick with nettles and thistles and who knew what else?– LOUDLY. I could clearly see where the being had been, as several small branches from shrubs had been snapped, and other plants were slightly tousled or trampled. But I just wasn't that brave. Also– it had only gone about 15 yards before stopping. And I could still FEEL its presence, even at that distance. It was lying low, waiting and watching, but not too far away– and I realized I wasn't up for pursuit.
Instead I decided to examine the spot where I had seen it standing on the hill. I put the jug of water down and went into the brush a bit to look more closely– and there was NO hill. Actually, there was a DITCH there– which meant the child-sized being had to have been LEVITATING in place! Wow. Just wow! Apparently, even my going towards it that much was enough to send it careening further into the forest. I heard the crashing start up again.
And I found myself yelling, “I KNOW YOU'RE NOT AN OWL! OR A DEER EITHER! I KNOW ABOUT THOSE TRICKS– YOU CAN'T USE THEM ON ME ANYMORE!”
And with that I turned, picked up my jug and walked back toward the relative safety and sanity of my unit's camp area. A couple of girls asked me what I was yelling at, and I made some excuse. I wondered if they would have tales of seeing a giant owl or albino deer if they had seen the being.
[Then I put it out of my mind. I seriously couldn't deal with what I saw-- and it was 2 weeks later before I had a mini nervous breakdown during one of my breaks away from camp. Its like while I was there I couldn't face it properly, but once in my own room at home it all came crashing back in on me. Going back to camp and facing the rest of the sessions was really hard. I knew there was no safe time left to me. Day held almost as much threat as night.]
Meanwhile-! As all this was going on I found myself obsessed once again with someone I called “Douglas.” Now I can't tell you whether it was actually Christopher Robin, the Dark Gerick Look-alike Guy, or some abductee (like the guy eating at the diner with his parents I scared) who was behind that name. But I was in love. With a fantasy or something? Yeah, I know how it sounds. Even then and there on that camping overnight I knew it was strange. Still, I decided to write my feelings down in a letter to Douglas, just to get it out of my head. I wrote several pages over a couple of days.
At one point, during my “Two”– I just hiked in to the Nature Education building, called 'Celilo,' to get away from camp and all the weirdness and the girls yelling. I wanted a little peace so I purposely took the opposite direction of where the Owl and the Deer seemed to be coming from. I sat down on the wooden steps and worked on my love letter composition. It was silly, but I was on a roll so I just went with it. The birds were singing, the air was 'open' and there was no strange feeling in the area. I felt like I could finally breathe.
After an hour had passed, however, the eerieness started to creep in. The birds shut up and flew away, and that 'haunted' sensation began to build up, more and more. I tried to ignore it as I still had over a half an hour left before I had to return to our little camp.
Then I began hearing those blasted fast and light footsteps… Around the building, by the outhouse, in the trees and bushes. The feeling of being watched, and not by just one or two but by a whole group of somethings, made the atmosphere thick and heavy. I began to get more and more nervous, but tried to focus on my writing. Then I saw a shorter shadow pass not more than 60 feet away in the shade of the bigger fir trees in the forest and I had to stop and put my stuff away. I stood up and began to look around me. I felt like I was surrounded on all sides by beings that could project their presence very strongly. I could feel the signature of the greys, although I didn't know what it was then. Now I know only too well. They have a mental feel that, with some practice, becomes unmistakeable, even if you can't see them.
Then it became like a game. A game I was not up for playing.
I would hear obvious steps around the corner of the building and turn, and the moment I did, something behind me would run really fast up a hill and as I turned to look at IT, seeing the shadow of something shorter and human shaped behind a tree!– another one would move behind me and duck behind another large object, tree, or bush. I went from feeling watched to feeling persecuted. There was no breeze in the area at the time, so it was silent enough to hear the slightest movement. I kept turning and turning, and seeing shadows or quick glimpses of things that were obviously not animal.
Walking further away from the nature building– as things were obviously hiding around the corners of it, I retreated to an open area where I could see clearly all the way around me. It became clear that these beings were moving closer and closer. My fear built, and tears began to come down my face, but I brushed them away impatiently. I had to be able to SEE.
Then a new presence began to make its way closer to me. It wasn't a grey– but even though I could feel that– I couldn't imagine what or who it could be instead. It made its way closer and closer, to the far side of the building where I couldn't see it, and then around the side and up to a thick grouping of bushes where at least 2 greys were ducked down. I saw bits of shadow of a taller person behind the bushes, and at the same time this happened, the beings hiding all the way around me got silent and came no closer.
Finally, the taller being grabbed a single branch of a small sapling by the group of shrubs it was standing behind, and it began to wave it. Slowly and obviously. I stared at that waving branch like I would at a rabid bear– I was so scared in that moment.
Because I knew– I KNEW that the next thing that was going to happen was that the guy (I knew he was male) was going to step out and show himself. Maybe a little at a time, like an arm and then a leg or something before emerging completely to be seen by me while awake. But I knew he was going to come out. The moment was heavy with anticipation– and I finally managed to whisper, “I'm sorry. I can't. I can't. I can't!” And then I hefted my backpack and began to walk backwards away from the spot. After about 10 feet, I turned around and walked really fast away and back towards my camp about half a mile away. I could hear movement all over the place behind me, but at that point I refused to look. I couldn't take it. I knew but I didn't WANT to know.
When I got back to camp, the counselor who saw the talking deer in her dreams informed me that I had taken the haunting with me– because shortly after I left, everything felt less spooky. I actually told her that she was right, that it followed me to Celilo. I even told her that I was sure all the weirdness was MY fault. She laughed and said she was just kidding, of course it wasn't my fault, it was just a weird area.
Later– she learned differently. At that time, however, we still weren't close enough for me to tell her the full truth of things. When it became apparent she had been brought into the 'program' I knew I had to tell her, and I always felt guilty for subjecting her to my world of horrors.
2012-08-23 15:13:41
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