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Needlemarks, “Mary Syndrome”, & Tent Visitors: May & June 1988
I've been trying to write about the details of what goes through my head and in my life during an abduction-and-related-weirdness “flap.” There is so much more than just some odd occurrences– there are patterns of thought and behavior that emerge time after time.
For example, I typically begin to get a little obsessed with UFOs and aliens during the period they're abducting me regularly. Even if consciously I have no memories, it seems that subconsciously there is some slight leakage. I get dreams about the topic (that are definite dreams) and I start to get curious and want to know more and talk to others like myself.
So it was in the late spring and summer of 1988. My curiosity was beginning to seep through the tremendous wall of fear. During the day and when I was around awake people, my fear receded to the background of my mind. The socially avoidant behavior I had begun 2 years before I was determined to undermine by taking on a job that forced me to be social (teaching and watching kids and teens.) My answer to myself was to challenge myself, because I could not stand to be STUCK at that level in my life forever.
Meanwhile, my period disappeared and I had read enough to know that was not likely coincidental. It took me some time before I dared to buy a pregnancy test, though. The entire notion still seemed so– crazy, that I couldn't believe myself. I didn't want to believe myself. Yet I kept getting faced with unexplained oddities. Not always things I could point to that screamed “ALIEN!” — but that were nonetheless very suspicious.
For example, one morning in May I woke up with the strange notion that my thigh had been stuck with a needle. Literally, I opened my eyes in bed and had this thought. I sat up, threw my legs over the side of the bed, and looked at the spot I felt I 'knew' the needle had gone in– right at the crease where my right thigh met my abdomen. There was indeed a pink dot where I looked. I then tried to tell myself that it was merely an insect bite and only that. Perhaps my paranoid mind had turned it into a needle image while I slept? Yet the spot where the mark was, which felt slightly burned, soon turned into a small boil. It went away after a couple of weeks, but I wasn't pleased by this discovery, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'd never had a boil before in my life, and I never have since. Just that one time.
I continued buying and trying to read the new alien abduction books that had come out, including Communion and Missing Time, but I set aside Missing Time for later– since it was taking me so long to read these things. I kept crying and have little freak outs every few pages. My mind was just reeling that so many things that I had thought could be dreams, fantasies, or near-insanity might actually possibly have some physical reality. It wasn't that I read it and THEN it happened. It was like I was reading bits out of my own life that had already happened. Things I could never have known about or guessed about on my own. It was too eerie. Maybe I was crazy, but how could I have the exact same things happen to me as all these other people if we were all crazy or just making stuff up? Something very real was happening to a lot of people.
Right before I packed up and went to residence camp, I got up the nerve to buy a pregnancy test. I had a boyfriend at that point I had been dating for over a year. Nice guy, and we had some fun– but I was still a virgin, so I knew if the test came out positive–?
It did.
I shoved this knowledge to the back of my head and went to camp. I wasn't about to see a doctor. I had a total phobia of any sort of medical issues dealing with reproduction and quite frankly would rather have died than handle the situation any other way besides ALONE. I told no one.
At Girl Scout Camp, I was assigned to a group that worked with teenagers, Tee Pee (we had actual canvas teepees for the campers to stay in during their session.) We were out in the deep woods away from all the other units (many units were in 'central camp' within sight of one another) isolated with the older girls, who were expected to be more wilderness savvy and so we had running cold water to drink, brush teeth, and wash hands with– but we also had outhouses. I rather liked the location– except at night. But I was so busy learning all I had to know during my training week that I fell into exhausted sleep every night regardless.
The very last night before the first of the campers was due to arrive, June 24th, I had another run in with the grey aliens that I was able to partially remember, in bits and pieces– but I DID remember them in order. I wrote down everything the next morning. (Hence the exact date.)
~ First, I was in my tent at night with a LOT of light. Almost blinding light in the middle of the night, like someone was directing stadium lights at us from outside. Because of this light, I was able to see inside my tent quite clearly from what filtered in through the canvas.
~ Then there were figures moving about inside my camp counselor tent, and at a rather fast pace. They were shorter figures doing that 'superspeed' thing they do.
~ Next, I recalled sitting on the edge of my cot with a grey alien (one of the 4 foot ones) standing in front of me staring at me intently. I noticed that the other 3 counselors for TeePee unit were also up, one sitting in bed like me, but 2 others were actually standing with the shorter aliens in front of them. The aliens were examining them and then looking at their faces closely (I suspect for telepathic mind control stuff.) My tent-mates made no sounds that I recall, and were still.
~ Then, I remember seeing all the aliens running out of the tent (or superspeed walking, hard to tell the difference).
~ Most noteworthy of all the memories was the recall of all the memories themselves actually re-playing in my head, only in high speed reverse, and each image was 'erased' as it played a second time. I seemed to be aware of what was happening as it happened and made an effort to 'catch' the memories as they replayed (thus storing them in my mind differently?) and so remembered a tiny bit of what happened, and the order.
~ Lastly, I knew that at the end, they did something right there in the tent between my legs. I remembered activity 'down there.'
I 'came to' in the middle of the night lying in my cot, legs apart, knees up, panties off (I went to bed with them ON) and my own hands over my eyes. Its not a position you wake up in very often– or actually at all! I awoke in the darkness feeling absolutely horrified. I didn't sleep the rest of the night, but sat up on my cot, gasping and shaking, waiting for dawn. I was worried about the other counselors, but too scared to wake them. When at last light came and everyone began to get up for the day, I was relieved– but I also felt amazingly guilty. The other counselors were messed with by aliens and it was all my fault for being there with them! No one seemed to remember anything, although a couple of them said they had bad nightmares the night before about light and something happening… and then they sort of looked at me oddly for a day or two. They noted the strangeness of sharing a nightmare. The 4th counselor, however, remembered nothing- not even a dream.
My period mysteriously returned, oh surprise-surprise!– at that very moment I woke up. It ended up being SO heavy that the camp director wanted to take me to the clinic at the nearest town for me to have a check-up. I can't recall how she even knew it was an issue since I wouldn't be the one to tell her. But I made an excuse and assured her all was well, and avoided the trip. Thus virgin pregnancy #2 was summarily ended.
That fetus extraction (I'm assuming) was the one that ended up being the hybrid I later named Elizabeth, my oldest supposed child:
http://spirals-end.livejournal.com/6309.html
http://spirals-end.livejournal.com/6579.html
However, this was not the end of that summer's adventures. There were more incidents, including my own unremembered behavior changes that my tent-mates reported to me and some interesting apparent tests the greys gave me to see my reactions to certain situations. I'll be talking about that next week.
2012-08-29 03:08:59
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