Story Views
Now:
Last Hour:
Last 24 Hours:
Total:

% of readers think this story is Fact. Add your two cents.

Authorities are asking the public for assistance with information regarding a pair of fugitives recently captured on the security cameras of a Chipotle restaurant in Ohio.

Officials are being very tight-lipped about the identities of the fugitives and the specifics of the ongoing investigation and have denied any connection to the notorious “Thelma and Louise” case; but here is what our sources have been able to piece together:

The older, blonde woman in the video, wearing the large “incognito” sunglasses, is believed to be the ringleader of a multi-billion dollar criminal enterprise that has operated with impunity for more than thirty years, with ties and disproportionate influence at the highest levels of government. The enterprise is sometimes known by the front name ‘Human Rights Commission’, but investigators suspect that the initials of that moniker may have a different significance. The suspect’s track record includes, among other things, authorship of signed major federal health legislation thought to have been defeated years earlier, the undermining of the current President of the United States prior to his nomination in the 2008 primary election, the compromising of the security of top-secret government intelligence and diplomatic information–especially at the Department of State–and rumors of an astonishingly large body count of once-associates who have turned up dead under mysterious circumstances.

The younger woman would seem to be an assistant of some kind, and has been linked directly to middle-eastern terrorist organizations. She is also rumored to have some association with a recently-disgraced United States congressman, but it is doubtful that that association was or is particularly intimate.

Authorities expressed surprise at the appearance of these two at such a down-scale and public place as a Chipotle in the Midwest, since the ringleader is known mostly to keep the company only of extremely wealthy if low-profile individuals in such places as New York’s Upper East Side and Beverly Hills/Bel Air and is rarely known to come near such places as in the video except while flying over in private jets financed by Saudi princes. Theories for this unusual appearance have been proposed, suggesting one or a combination of the following: 1) Her once-formidable resources are drying up as a result of her elite network of co-conspirators tiring of having constantly to cover for her public errors that threaten to derail the the mission of the enterprise, and therefore she is being forced to venture beyond her conventional circles and usual comfort zone for logistical support; 2) She is planning a new project or caper, the magnitude of which will dwarf all of her previous ones, and is working on numerous low-level details in remote areas which, despite their apparent lack of prestige, are nonetheless critical to the success of the project; and/or 3) She is slipping, losing her sophisticated edge and savvy operational skills due to old age and incipient senility.

If you or anyone you know have any information about this pair, which may help solve past crimes or prevent new ones from occurring, please contact the office of The Honorable Trey Gowdy, U.S. Congressman from South Carolina, at: 1404 Longworth HOB, Washington, DC 20515. Phone: (202) 225-6030 Fax: (202) 226-1177