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Lights, Voices In Ear, TV Face & Talking to Budd & Linda: Late '89/Early '90
This is the last installment of my abduction memory posts from my teens! Rejoice! Unless I forgot something significant somewhere, and I don't think I have– we'll be getting into the most interesting stuff which is the incidents from my early 20s. I've already revealed much of what happened then, but there is still quite a bit more to go there. Definitely over 2/3rds finished with the past.
It is important to me to have all those past memories done and out there because it can be difficult to discuss certain subjects or try to explain my reactions to more recent events without that all important CONTEXT! There is so much there and so, for example, when Mike Clelland was interviewing me almost 2 years ago (that long? wow…) he would bring up a topic and I'd answer, but to explain myself I'd have to bring up another memory that was significant, so I couldn't really get into the topic too far as the memory took up all the time. I want to fix that issue!
Back to it, shall we?
After the summer of 1989 and seeing the white alien/owl during a bright, sunny day– I had an interesting psychological adjustment to make. The physical reality of the aliens became even more obvious and so I had to accept the truth of things to an even greater extent. I completely understand probable abductees not able to accept things with no conscious (or maybe only 1 or 2 very brief conscious) memories– there's too much room for error. But when you have a long memory on a bright day with people around and there's no break (or loss of consciousness) then it gets harder to deny. Add to that all I had learned of other people going through similar or even identical experiences–? And I found myself reluctantly believing what I had no choice but to believe. Crossing that line made it easier in some ways and harder in others.
I was still on “active” status for many months that year– and there were constant (I'd say weekly) incidents of an odd nature in my life. I didn't write them all down because I was beginning to think that having weird things happening all around me all the time was going to be my new normal. I didn't know it could all go away almost completely for years at a time then.
As fall waned into winter, I had one constant that was to become a familiar sign whenever I was on “active” status: glowing orbs of light flying around. The most common ones I see are yellow and golf ball to tennis ball sized. I have also seen marble sized white ones, blue ones about baseball sized, orange ones that were beach ball sized or a little larger, and even very large red ones that were up to 4 feet across. I have some major speculations regarding those balls of light– not the least of which coming about because of a more recent memory I have of seeing a small one SPIN and get larger, whereupon a 3.5 foot grey stepped out. Regardless of color or size, all act intelligently- responding to human behavior changes very quickly. For example, if you turn your head in their direction, they take evasive action to avoid being seen. They look through windows, and can go through walls and ceilings, and I've caught them ducking behind furniture to avoid being seen. I have always treated them like some sort of alien spy device. I've seen them both outside and inside, watched them pass windows or hold still hiding next to or inside a lamp with incandescent light bulbs. (Look, ma! Camouflage!)
The smaller yellow ones, whether probes or vehicles, almost always come in PAIRS. I always see 2 of them together, whereas the other sized and colored orbs are usually seen singly. I started seeing them for the first time (that I can recall) the fall of 1989. Again and again. I'd be reading, watching TV, brushing my teeth, and I would catch a bit of movement and light and look– and catch them either ducking behind something or racing out of view into a hallway or even through a wall or ceiling or floor (if I was on the second floor.) They look like solid light– you can't see through the orbs– yet they seem immaterial and can go right through solid objects or walls as if they don't even exist. There is no slow down in speed when they pass through a solid object. And– before someone chimes in that maybe its a mental projection from my head!– multiple people can and will see these things from different perspectives. They are visually real- though obviously not with mass in a normal way. I don't recall any of these balls touching me or of me touching them so I can't report on that aspect at all at this time.
Oddly (and I've mentioned this before) these balls of light, regardless of size, do not cast light. If you're in a brightly lit room and a light orb passes another bright light source, it will cast a shadow. I've heard speculation that these may be balls of PLASMA, but I don't know enough of such things to say myself. However, I'm not the only abductee to note the shadow casting qualities of these light balls. They're quite commonly seen. At the time I first began seeing them (or at least noticing them) I couldn't catch them easily in a brightly lit room. I had taken to keeping every room I was in very bright due to fear of the dark, but that autumn I realized I was making it harder for myself to catch sight of these little balls. So I started changing out light bulbs all over the house. My bedroom lights were all 40 to 60 watts, as were certain strategic lamps throughout my home. After everyone else went to bed, I made sure the bright lights were out and the dim lights were on– and the light balls really stood out in contrast! I kept catching them a LOT after that switch. To this day, visitors to my home can find themselves puzzled or even vexed at how Gerick and I keep lights so low at night. Partially its to save electric and because I have sensitive eyes and bright artificial lights give me headaches, but also-? Its habit both of us picked up in our late teens to catch the light balls when they were around. Because on most nights you see them, you're going to be abducted later– almost guaranteed.
That fall another new experience began– sounds and voices that seemed to come from just inside my right ear. They were around for about 7 or 8 months– into the following spring maybe. However, unlike the light orbs, the strange sounds went away almost entirely– and now I feel like I know what may have been going on…
Most nights, but even during the day during quiet periods, I would often hear what sounded like voices speaking a foreign language in my right ear, like a radio broadcast, only turned way down in volume. Even without white noise sources or anything my brain could use to create such a thing from random sound I heard them. I heard them best in total silence when the vowels and consonants became pronounced, and I realized there were multiple voices, perhaps in conversation. They never responded to anything going on to me, or to anything I said. Later, when I first spoke to Budd Hopkins, the alien abduction researcher, the one thing that made me fall apart and cry was reporting the voices, because it sounds so much like schizophrenia. (Its possible to both be an abductee AND crazy, after all– the 2 states are not mutually exclusive or anything.) Yet Budd reassured me saying that actually, quite a few people heard such things. Once he went over many of the things going on in my life, he was greatly concerned that I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Which is how I ended up in contact with Linda “Cortile” from his book, Witnessed. She and I became phone buddies for a couple of years, and this move alone may have saved my life. During severe panic attacks, there were times still when the thought of escaping through death occurred to me- but not after she and I started talking every week.
There was a sense every week that a LOT was going on under the surface that I could not remember consciously. As deep winter began turning into spring, I felt like I was in testing mode.
Besides the sound projections into my ear (or the part of my auditory nerve that transmits to my brain?) I soon had some visual projections to my visual centers as well, that would overlap anything I was looking at. Full color, and 3 dimensional– better than any screen or photo I've ever seen, but also obviously artificial. I still see the visual projections from time to time, and have been recording them here as they happen. I'm nonchalant NOW about these experiences– but I remember how horrified I was the very first time I saw one of these visual constructs. The way it appeared was very specific, like loading a computer image a piece at a time, and this method of imaging is still used to this day. I get images that download onto my visual field starting from the upper left and sort of filling in going steadily down and to the right until the visual field is filled. It happens at least a few times a year. I also get something similar, but less stark and clear, in moving images from time to time.
It was an early morning, with blue pre-dawn light coming in the window. I was awake– being a fitful sleeper at best– trying to decide whether to get up or try to go back to sleep (so I DID sleep at night sometimes, as I had college classes to worry about.) The image began at the upper left corner of my visual area, as sort of hexagonal pieces, and it just filled in as it went. Rather like the slower loading internet images of the 1990s during those dial up days. At first, I wasn't sure what I was looking at, just a bunch of lines and colors. However, by the time it was filled in halfway, still adding to itself in pieces, it was clear it was a 3D still image of an alien grey.
Not just the escort greys or medical or engineering greys– this was a taller one with vermillion colored skin. (Later, I would have THIS incident in my 20s and see them again: http://spirals-end.livejournal.com/5900.html ) Just as in that later encounter with the multiple high-status females, the one in the image was wearing a long robe made of those down-turned metallic fishscale things in red that reflected copper or appeared black in the folds. The upturned, overly dramatic collar was there as well. Because it was a still image, with no telepathic communication attached, I didn't know if it was male or female (there is no question of gender when you're with them in person.) Also– I got a good, long, detailed look at this image because the incident went on for minutes. It just stayed there overlapping anything else I saw, appearing clear against a dark background, but losing clarity when I looked at the dimly lit window or nightlight. The eyes were all black, and I could detect a wrinkle, lid, or something going all the way around the eyes. The hands were hidden in the long, bell-like sleeves. I drew it at the time, and my husband was supposed to scan it for me– but now I don't know where all my drawings went! (I think I'm going to end up just taking photos of my drawings and loading them using my laptop.)
At the time, I was freaked out beyond belief. I didn't know what was going on. If it was an hallucination, it wasn't like any type I'd heard of before (before even seeing an internet page download on a screen, for example– 1990 remember!) I ended up just crying my eyes out. But after a few minutes just 'floating' there in my visual area, it simply faded out. Slowly, but over about a minute or less– and then it was just gone.
The highlight of this period was the one time I had a witness for sure to some of the weirdness– reassuring me that I wasn't crazy, and further frightening me.
I was downstairs making something to eat while my father watched TV and at one point, the sound went off. I looked up because the interruption to the commercial was a little odd. My father wasn't looking to begin with. A black TV screen was there, and then after a blink of time, a super close up of a white alien grey with all-black eyes. It was so close up that the chin and top of head were cut off in the image. There was no static, no fuzz– just a perfectly out of place still image of an alien grey looking out from the TV screen.
I froze. I didn't even gasp aloud, just held my breath, trying to figure out what I was seeing as I was seeing it. But then my father looked up from his place on the sofa, and cussed because his show was gone and the face just sat there. He stood up and looked at it and then started to mess with the set (we didn't have remote control or anything) finally changing channels and going back to his original channel and the face. Then, just as abruptly as it appeared, it disappeared and resumed the normal broadcast station. Then he sat back down, asking me if there was an ad going on for some paranormal alien show or something.
That's when I released by breath– he saw it too! We discussed what we saw but neither of us could make heads or tails of it. But underneath, I couldn't shake the feeling that I DID know what was going on. Tests of communications broadcast systems. For months they were perfecting the systems between them and my brain or something. Once everything seemed to work, the constant testing stuff seemed to mostly fade away, only being used for a specific purpose if needed. Having spoken to many abductees, I've learned that very similar or even identical experiences happen to many of us in this way.
One of the last incidents of that time period was also one of the most puzzling, and I still wonder about it to this day. One night, the low foreign voices were sort of droning on when I heard and FELT a sort of opening of a frequency/channel in my ear/head. It was like the open air you hear on a microphone before you know a very loud voice will be heard through it. Not the feedback squeal or anything like that– just that open sound of almost a low white-noise background. Not tinnitus. But then I began to hear sounds, over and above the typical voices, of someone sitting at a desk or something. I could hear creaks, scrapes, the brushing of fabric. The sound was so loud and clear (but only in my right ear) that it was like the amplified sounds of a person doing things but not talking. By this time, months had gone by of listening to things, so I was no longer frightened, but this new take on the sounds was totally confusing me. I knew if the person moving around spoke, I could hear them almost thunderously loud and clear in my ear!
And then, I did hear the person– and they sounded entirely human! I heard a man sigh, as if bored to an extreme, and then he said, “Oh, man..!” again in sheer boredom. A few more minutes passed of desk movement sounds, and then it was like the guy noticed something, and suddenly he was moving around a lot, said, “Shit!” and then the sounds that included him abruptly cut out! Like a switch was thrown. Then the sound of voices babbling in a foreign tongue cut out as well, much to my relief! There were only a few more days of voices before they went away and were never heard again. However-! The 'open mike' sound I've heard a couple more times later in life.
I'm not sure where the bored man with the perfectly American accent came from or what that was all about, but it seemed like he was listening to the voices too, and really sick of it. Then it seemed like he discovered he was broadcasting himself accidentally and cut himself out. Not sure, but given some of the human quasi-military involvement that has come into my life on rare occasions, I have my suspicions.
2012-08-29 03:09:41
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